Author:              Kiarene

Published:         11th May 2003

Warnings:         squick, urban legend, gerbil abuse. 

Pairings:           Vegeta/Gohan

Disclaimers:      DBZ is not mine, the idea for this is not mine too. I adapted it from an urban legend


Once again, this is SQUCKY and may turn off some people, even though it was meant to be funny.


Beyond M&Ms

(Or ‘What Not To Do With A Gerbil’)



Gohan burst into the Gravity Room excitedly, waving a slim black book and plastic tube in one hand, and holding a small cloth-covered cage in the other. “Vegeta! I’ve a great new idea!”


Said prince picked himself off the floor with a murderous scowl, wiping the dripping sweat from his eyes. “You better have, for barging in on my training like this…”


Gohan gulped, and then beamed confidently as he placed the tube and cage on the floor. “I’m sure you’ll like this; it’s called felching.” He gave his royal lover a lecherous wink. Opening the black book, titled ‘Kia’s Little Black Book’, he quickly flipped to a page and showed the other as he explained.


Vegeta’s brow rose in shock as he listened to his young partner. He didn’t know how kinky Gohan really was when he first jumped the teenager; in fact, he could have sworn that Gohan probably couldn’t say the word ‘penis’ without getting a nosebleed. The bespectacled demi-Saiyajin appeared totally dorky, despite his fantastic body and handsome face.


To his utter surprise and delight, Gohan had been extremely receptive and adventurous, a perfect match for his own Saiyajin libido. A one-night stand became two, then four… One the last royal pure-blooded Saiyajin, dark and broody. The other a young demi-Saiyajin, mild and scholarly. The two seemingly disparate personalities clicked despite themselves, and quickly fell into an intense relationship.


Vegeta was not turned off by Gohan’s nerdiness at all; on the contrary, he often teased the younger for putting up such a front to fend off hungry suitors. And there was something incredibly kinky about knowing that his personal sex toy lay under that unattractive bookish façade. In addition, the younger’s reading habits had unearthed interesting ideas. But this latest suggestion…


Vegeta’s other brow rose high as well as he lifted the thin periwinkle blue cloth and peered into the cage. Slowly, he blinked and then dropped the edge of the cloth before turning to look at his lover, who had the widest expectant grin on his face.


“Dammit, Gohan…” Vegeta drawled, a smirk breaking out on his face as well. “I knew you were kinky, but this takes the cake.”


“Whaddya say, Vegeta?” Gohan leaned forward, breathing huskily as he started to unbutton his white Oxford shirt. He knew the answer though; he could feel the hard spandex-barely-contained bulge against his khakis.


“Strip.” Vegeta yanked off the teenager’s black spectacles and flung them carelessly aside with a muted clatter. That was probably the reason why Gohan persisted in wearing such geeky-looking plastic spectacles.


Gohan compiled immediately, and the two were soon kissing and writhing on the tiled floor, hands and tongues touching and stroking everywhere. Both were feeling extremely, extremely horny and turned on.


The younger male was flipped on his front and he gasped as a sweat-slicked finger entered him, and then two, the salt stinging his entrance slightly. The digits made a scissoring motion as they stretched him gently. Sharp teeth and a clever tongue teased the sensitive nerves at the back of his neck as he shifted jerkily. “Are you ready?”


“Ha..Hai!” Gohan pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, lowering his head as he raised his butt high.


Vegeta grinned at his lover’s familiar submissive position, and sat back on his heels. Slowly, he eased the slick plastic tube into the moaning teenager, and once the tube was stuck securely in Gohan’s ass, the older Saiyajin reached for the cage.


Taking out a small white- and tan-furred cute gerbil, Vegeta purred as he stroked the back of the rodent with his thumb. “Are you ready?”


“Yes!” Gohan replied, turning to look back over a shoulder, dark eyes glazed with lust. “Vegeta! Just do it!”


Vegeta chuckled as he placed the squirming gerbil down the tube and Gohan gave a low moan of pleasure, hips rocking as his butt muscles clenched.






Floating outside the gravity room window, two pairs of very, very wide eyes watched.




“Ok, I think that’s enough…” Gohan panted, his eyes closed. “Take it out please?”


Vegeta contemplated teasing the younger male a while more, but decided against it. Reaching into the tube with his thumb and forefinger, he tried to grab the gerbil. Unfortunately, his fingers were now slick with sweat and cum; he had been watching his lover writhing on the floor with a rodent up his ass after all, and he couldn’t get a firm grip on the rodent. The gerbil squeeked in fear and burrowed deeper.


Gohan gave a shuddering groan as he winced. “What’s happening?”


Vegeta growled irritably as he removed his fingers and tried to look into the tube. “Dammit! I can’t get it out!”


“What do you mean, you ‘can’t get it out’?” Gohan’s voice started to rise in panic.


Vegeta did not answer as he raised a ki-lit fingertip to the tube, peering in again. Unfortunately, a raw energy source near a tube filled with intestinal gases wasn’t a very good idea.




The flammable gasses and normally-not-so-flammable gerbil caught fire. The volume of the gas within the plastic tube expanded suddenly and propelled the flaming rodent out of the teenager’s ass like a small cannonball, hitting Vegeta right on the nose.


Vegeta fell back with a howl as he clutched his broken nose and tried to beat out his burning eyebrows. Gohan gave an even louder howl as his ass literally caught fire.


Wincing over the pain of his bloody nose, Vegeta yanked out the tube from the writhing teenager, extinguishing the air-supply for the rear-end fire.


‘Thank Kami for senzus…’ Vegeta staggered up, crossing the room and took out a small green legume from the medical kit on the wall. Biting half, he swallowed and felt his nose heal. Bending over and cradling his whimpering lover, he fed the other half to Gohan, holding him as the burns healed.


“Vegeta,” Gohan flushed darkly as he looked away. “I’m sorry…”


“Heh.” Vegeta kissed the teenager’s brow as he chuckled. “Don’t be. “


“You’re not angry?”


“For a moment or two, but not at you.” The prince snickered. “It was incredibly funny on hindsight though…”






Outside, the two young boys couldn’t believe what they had just witnessed.


“Did I just see my dad put a gerbil up your brother’s ass and set it on fire?” The lavender-haired boy blinked in shock. “That..that is just …so…”


His wide eyes sparkled, wide and shiny. “Just so cool!”


Trunks grinned as he turned to his companion. “When I grow up, I want to be just like him! And to think just last week, Mom scolded me for putting an M&M up my nose… Goten? Are you ok? What’s wrong?”


The black-haired boy’s lower lip was quivering as his eyes watered. “That… that’s was Ham-ham!”


“What? Gohan took your pet hamster? How could he!?” Trunks frowned, and then patted his friend on the shoulder. “Don’t cry, I’ll buy you another.”


“Oh thank you, Trunks! You’re the bestest friend in the world!”


“Sure I am!”




“… Say, Goten.”




“Do you trust me?”


“Sure I do!”


“Want to try something?”





The End…





Back to Oddities

visitor stats