A Song-fic. Melodramatic and lemony. (28/9/2002)

From Goku’s POV, his thoughts are bordered by tilde’s ~

// indicates a flashback.

 

 

Something Lacking (3/7)

 

 

Two bodies entwined in the inky darkness, slick and feverishly heated, wantonly writhing and arching. Two moving to a privately intimate carnal dance; where the beat and steps were determined not by the sensual strains of the music in the background, but by the flow and wash of sensations that coursed through them. Heartbeats and movements quickened as the dancers ascended the familiar spiral stairs of hedonistic pleasure, sinewy muscles clenching and tightening in burning tension, vocal chords rippling with incoherent sobbing mews and cries that rose in intensity until both found the pure and utter bliss of release. Visions shattered in white starburst as heads tossed back with primal shrieks, bodies trembling violently in orgasmic ecstasy.  

 

Two bodies entwined in the inky darkness, luxuriating in the delicious and boneless liquid euphoric aftermath. Utter contentment vocalized in the form of soft purrs. Simply enjoying the moment and the feeling of heated, sweat-slicked skin cooling in the frosty night air. As if on cue, the music slowed, still sensuous but more befitting of their mood.

 

After a while, the smaller form grunted and wriggled out of the tangled embrace to sprawl limply over his side of the bed. The huskier male turned on his side to spoon the other, nuzzling in the soft mussed ebon spikes of his lover as he threw a thickly muscled arm over the lean waist to draw him closer.

 

“Geta…” He whispered softly in the other’s ear. There was no reply from the royal; a faint purring snore told him Vegeta had already fallen asleep. Goku frowned slightly, the familiar dull sting of hurt and rejection welling up within him. It was the same, night after night. They would have fantastic sex, and then Vegeta would just roll over to go to sleep.

 

And that was what it was; just sex.

 

On one hand, Goku knew that it was not in the hard-bitten and proud prince’s nature to whisper sweet nothings in his ear or even to cuddle after sex, that he should be happy and satisfied with what he has. Vegeta was handsome and incredibly sexy, smart and witty, erudite and cultured, a powerful and skilled warrior. A royal prize indeed. But Vegeta was not his. The prince can also be cold and cruel, his barbs cutting, his expectations exacting. Vegeta was his own person, who proudly stood alone and aloof, letting no one through his defensive, prickly barriers. Sure, Goku knew that he was closer to the reserved prince than anyone else had ever been; they shared a tumultuous and intense history, then a tentative comradeship and now, a house and bed.

 

Yet…

 

How much does he really know about the last full-blooded royal? Sometimes he felt that there was still so much more that Vegeta was holding back, while he had readily given himself to his sovereign. Though he had tried hard to hide it, he had already offered his heart, his very soul to the ouji; he wasn’t sure if the other knew. What he did know was that Vegeta had never indicated that he felt the same. Sometimes, he felt that he could disappear from the prince’s life the next day, and the prince would just move on with his own life. Not caring, not bothering.

 

//

Harsh pants slowed down to satiated purrs, heated flesh stilled and cooled. Vegeta drew the larger figure to him, limbs and tails tangling as they wrapped around each other in cozy contentment, nuzzling his face fondly against the other’s cheek. After a while, he spoke up softly. “Stay.”

 

Goku gave a weak laugh. “Of course, Vegeta. I’m too tired to move anyway.”

 

“No, baka.” Vegeta shook his head slightly, his voice a husky whisper as he tightened his arms around the younger meaningfully.

 

“Stay. With me.” 

 

Goku swallowed convulsively, unsure if he had heard correctly. “Nani… You want me to move in?”

 

“Hn.” Vegeta snorted derisively. “What did you think I meant?”

 

The younger turned to face the other with wide, shining eyes, his arms coming up to wrap the smaller figure in a suffocating hug. “Oh, Vegeta!”

 

 “Baka.” Vegeta gave a breathless huff and pushed firmly against the broad chest, looking away in embarrassment. “ Isn’t it so much more convenient than running back and forth between our places?”

 

“Hai, Vegeta!” Goku cuddled the squirming prince fondly, a wide smile on his face.

//

 

The day that Vegeta had told him to stay had been the happiest day of his life. Dinner had been so tense that he was sure that Vegeta was regretting his involvement with a third-class baka, and that at any moment; he would call the whole thing off. His apprehension turned into surprised delight at the sudden playful seduction, which quickly turned into one of the hottest romps they ever had and culminated into delirious happiness at the royal’s simple statement. Giddy with bubbling optimism, he was so certain then that Vegeta did have feelings for him, and that one day, Vegeta would love him. Even though the older Saiyan had made it clear from the start that there would be nothing more, he had felt confident that time would prove the ouji wrong.

 

That was over two years ago. Since then, they had settled into a familiar routine like a long-married couple. Or perhaps it was just the easy interaction between two who have known each other for a long time, nothing more… Goku felt a growing dread; that perhaps he was reading too much into their relationship. That any love Goku felt for the older Saiyan was all one-sided.

 

Goku had never felt happier, not even with Chi Chi. He loved his wife, but it was a simpler, more puppy-dog love of young teenagers that matured into a homely partnership. He had thought that was the extent to the fuzzy feeling called love that he had heard so much about, and he had thought that he knew what love was all about. Somehow, the feisty, cynical and temperamental prince who claimed not to believe in that sappy Ningen emotion had managed to rattle his foundations on that topic and redefine it daily. What he felt for Vegeta was far, far more intense.

 

If what he felt for Chi Chi was warm, cozy, pink and fuzzy, what he felt for Vegeta was searing, scarlet, blazing and iridescent. When he thought of the fiery prince, he was reminded of molten lava, a liquid crimson inferno that scorched and incinerated everything in it’s relentless path and yet remained breathtakingly, hauntingly beautiful. He knew he would get burnt, consumed, but he was still drawn like a moth to a flame.

 

Goku had also never felt unhappier. Strange… ironic really, how the one who you love, who can easily bring you such intense joy can just as casually cause you equal pain. A casual phrase, a negligent action…

 

There was a hollow, aching feeling inside him; something’s missing. What he had… It just wasn’t enough. He wanted more. Oh, kami, he wanted, needed so much more.

 

~ What am I to him? The only other full-blooded Saiyan living? A third class baka? Someone more? Or just a good lay? If I left tomorrow, would you care? ~

 

“Aishiteru, Vegeta.” He whispered softly, as he clenched his eyes tightly in a fruitless bid to hold back the moisture that threatened to spill out.

 

He was Vegeta’s.

 

But Vegeta was not his.

 

All or nothing at all
Half a love never appealed to me
If your heart never could yield to me
Then I'd rather have nothing at all


Goku watched from the kitchen doorway as Vegeta worked through a sword kata he was mastering in their back yard. Lately, Vegeta had shown an interest in weaponry, citing it as a logical extension to the study of the martial arts. Like his son from the alternate future, his weapon of choice was a sword, as opposed to Goku’s bo. However, while Mirai’s sword was large and two-handed, the ebon-haired prince preferred a slimmer, one-handed blade.

 

Slowly, the lithe figure danced back and forth, slashing and parrying at an unseen enemy in a graceful kata that went through all of the basic cuts and thrusts, parries and feints. When the kata was done, he flipped the slim blade up and caught it with his other hand before repeating the exercise. Sometimes he would toss the sword between his hands in the middle of a kata, abruptly yet smoothly changing directions from right to left and back to a right-handed kata again. Sometimes he would vary the order of his movements, spinning and twisting deftly, switching seamlessly and never missing a step.

 

As he warmed up, the ouji’s footwork became faster and surer, the blade now a spinning and flashing quicksilver, a natural extension of his own arm. With a barely perceptible and precisely controlled flick of his ki, and a slightly superfluous but nicely dramatic snap of his wrist, the silver blade burst into golden flame. Goku grinned. Vegeta did always have a flair for theatrical. Faster and faster, the slim figure leapt and twirled, his movements now a flicker, golden and silvery swirls weaving an intricate pattern around him. The kata had changed into an almost personal dance, where the only adversary was only oneself; a test of ability and creativity, hampered only by one’s physical limitations and hindered only by one’s mental boundaries.

 

Goku was not sure how long he stood there, but he knew he would never tire of watching the older Saiyan. The smaller fighter may have been obsessed with the fact that a mere third-class was stronger, more powerful than him, but he wished Vegeta could see what he saw. Sheer strength and brute power was not everything. Goku saw a magnificent warrior, one who has honed his body and skills through his iron will and grueling, relentless training. His skills and techniques were creative and flawless, his grasp of tactics masterly and brilliant. Goku marveled in the beauty of the warrior prince before him. A phrase from his elder son’s mythology text leapt into his mind. ~ Mars incarnate. ~

 

The anguished thoughts of doubt that kept him awake through lonely nights suddenly seemed overly melodramatic in the warm, homely scene, bathed in cheery sunlight. Surely he was over-reacting. Surely Vegeta did love him, why else would the proud prince stay with him for the past two years? The prince did not suffer fools gladly and he had often expressed his irate displeasure at the younger Saiyan’s bumbling manners and uncouth ways, scorning his intelligence. Once, he might have been able to brush such hurtful barbs off, but lately, it has been getting harder and harder to keep his trademark grin on his face in the face of even a casual insult. Oh, it was not as if Vegeta belittled him constantly or treated him harshly. The cold prince had been as civil, well, as much as one could expect from him, sometimes even a little affectionate, but it wasn’t enough. And casual words hurt so much more from the person one cared deeply about.

 

Several times lately, Goku had tried to speak to the prince, but somehow, the time or circumstance was never right or something else interfered. His lips pursed in a determined thin line.

 

~ Not today. ~

 

As the kata wound to a close, Goku pushed himself off from the doorframe, which he had been leaning against. He needed to know something. He needed to know if the ouji returned his feelings, he needed to feel cherished, wanted, needed. Tempered by numerous years of training and battles, he was no stranger to hardship, but this was different. This torture of his mind, his spirit… he was close to his breaking point. Dying a little inside everyday with every flippant insult or careless remark, pining away for some touch that meant more than just physical gratification, giving but not receiving enough, he was now a brittle husk. He needed to know if it was worth going on.

 

Steeling himself, he walked towards the other. Vegeta was holding a soft rag and cleaning the blade carefully. “Vegeta…” Approaching the shorter Saiyan from behind and heedless of the sheen of perspiration that covered the lightly bronzed skin, he wrapped his arms around the slim waist and nuzzled the upswept dark locks, enjoying the heavy musky smell of fresh sweat. Vegeta gave a curt questioning grunt, his attention still focused on his task at hand.

 

Suddenly, Goku felt extremely foolish and nervous. How was he to broach this subject? ~ Ah, Vegeta? Do you love me? ~ He flushed in trepidation and embarrassment as he stood there for a few moments, or minutes, as he gathered his courage and thoughts, his puffed tail lashing jerkily. Taking another deep, tremulous breath, he whispered softly.

 

“Koi…Aishiteru.”

 

Vegeta stilled for a while, then ever so slowly resumed his cleaning. Keeping his eyes down and focused on the blade, almost as if he was avoiding Goku’s searching look, he stepped out of the younger’s loose embrace and reached for the scabbard before sheathing his blade. His movements were slow, measured and deliberate, giving no indication that he had heard Goku’s simple declaration even though Goku was certain he had, giving no indication if he intended to reply. Hesitantly, Goku reached out to brush past Vegeta’s upper arm as the prince turned to walk back to the house. 

 

“Vegeta…”

 

The slighter male stiffened and stopped at the other’s light touch and tentative plea, but kept his eyes cast slightly downwards. His tail snapped around about his waist, his very posture screamed defensive.

 

“Vegeta…” A shaky, desperate quality had entered the brawny Saiyan’s voice. “Do you…?”

 

Goku held his breath as the ouji finally looked up at him, onyx eyes piercing yet giving nothing away, expression shuttered and inscrutable. The very air grew thick and oppressive between them, as they looked straight at each other, one gaze open and vulnerable, the other closed and fathomless. Vegeta’s throat worked and he parted his lips hesitantly a couple of times, as if he wanted to say something. Goku felt like his heart was literally breaking as the silence grew.

 

~ Please… ~

 

“Do I what?” The deep baritone was steady and even when Vegeta finally spoke, though Goku could feel the subtle tensing of the bicep under his fingertips. 

 

~ No… ~

 

Goku’s chest tightened painfully as his cheeks flushed hotly. He felt like the third class dunce the haughty royal had always called him. ~ Goku no baka! Can’t you see?? It’s so obvious… ~ Unable to look at his love anymore, to continue the battering on his pride and esteem, he dropped his gaze and hand limply. He was quite sure Vegeta knew just what he was about to say; the prince was hardly obtuse, and his feigned ignorance was deeply cutting and hurtful. It hurt, oh kami, it hurt.

 

“N-nothing.” He swallowed convulsively. “Nothing at all.” 

 

Quickly, he turned and walked back into the house. Behind him, he could almost feel the prince’s stare boring into his back, but the royal made no move to follow him. As he entered, he felt a flare of ki and he knew that Vegeta had flown off. Shutting the door shakily behind him, the brawny fighter leaned back against the thick wooden barrier and sank down to the floor, finally letting go.


All or nothing at all
If it's love there ain't no in-between
Why begin and cry for something that might have been
No I'd rather have nothing at all


By the time Vegeta returned, it was late in the afternoon. Goku had composed himself, his expression blank and showing no signs of his previous breakdown, and he was curled up on the couch with an opened magazine he wasn’t reading. Looking at the older Saiyan as he walked into their living room, Goku wondered where he had been. Vegeta had obviously bathed and he was now dressed in a clean, if a bit ripped and ragged, pair of tight jeans and loose navy sweater. Quickly, he turned his head back to his martial arts magazine again, staring down at the blurring words.

 

“Kakarrot.” Goku raised his head but kept in eyes downcast in dread. ~ Oh no, is this where he tells me he’s leaving? Or laugh at me for being such a sap? ~ He felt the cushions sink as Vegeta sat down beside him, pushing him further into the couch. A warm breath brushed his ear as the older Saiyan leaned closer, and muscled arms draped around his waist.

 

“Kakarrot…” A breathy purr, just before moist lips nibbled at his sensitive ear lobe. Goku gave a small groan and closed his eyes, tilting his head to the side unconsciously to allow better access as that talented mouth moved lower, trailing soft kisses along his jaw line and down his neck. He cursed his lack of control but it was weak and half-hearted. Dimly, he wondered at the sudden change in the ouji’s mood, but that last thought wavered as soft lips worked their magic down his neck. Hands tugged his shirt out from his jeans and a soft tail slid under the cloth to stroke his spine sensually, sending delightful shivers down his back, before curling around his own tail.

 

His forgotten magazine was deftly plucked out of his limp grasp and flung carelessly on the floor, as Vegeta shifted to straddle his hips before claiming his lips in a soft kiss. Any previous thoughts were flung out along with his magazine as well, as his mouth was skillfully plundered and all he could think of was the supple body writhing in his arms. Loud purrs rolled from deep chests as tongues swirled and sucked lightly.

 

Goku soon found himself returning the kiss as fervently, melting up against his lissome lover.

Tightening his arms around the deliciously squirming prince; who was grinding his hips wantonly against his and somehow knew just how to drive him senseless, Goku threw his legs over the other’s, hooking one leg around slim hips and slid the other along Vegeta’s leg, toeing the soft boot off before repeating the action on the matching footwear. 

 

His hands made their way down the muscular back, smoothing and stroking sinewy muscles through the bulky fabric of the prince’s sweater before finally coming to a rest over the denim-covered butt. One hand found a convenient rip just below a tight cheek and he wormed his fingers in to caress naughtily. Goku’s lips quirked up in a grin. No boxers. At his touch, Vegeta gave a low moan and broke the kiss, tossing his head back as his eyes slid closed. His hips ground and rocked jerkily against Goku’s as he hissed some rude phrases through clenched teeth and snapped his head from side to side, his tail whipping wildly behind him as well.

 

The duo wrestled playfully for control, hands and tails rubbing and arousing and wreaking havoc through thin barriers of clothing. A searing, wet tongue licked and suckled at a flushed ear, flicking out to tease the erogenous area just behind the earlobe. Sharp teeth raked delicately down an arching neck in retaliation and bit playfully on the fleshy junction between the neck and shoulder. Tails twined and dragged across each other, ruffling and smoothing bristling fur, sending waves of pleasure that rippled up the spine. Dexterous fingers squirmed down under the waistline of tight denim, wriggling suggestively around the sensitive skin at the slim hipbones. Hands sneaked under a loose shirt to splay over a chiseled front, tickling and circling and tweaking hardened nubs.

 

Goku jerked violently with a shriek as fingers pinched his nipples hard, tumbling them both off the couch. “Fuuckkk!” The normally clean-mouthed fighter swore as they continued to roll about on the floor. “Vegeta! That frigging hurts!”

 

The prince only snickered wickedly and gave another painful pinch as he slanted his lips over to muffle and distract his brawny lover. Offending barriers of fabric were rapidly and easily divested, though sturdy jeans posed more of a problem. Slim fingers hooked into the waist of Goku’s jeans, sliding around until they came to a halt at the metal button in front. Goku fumbled with the button on the ouji’s jeans as well, cursing a little at the snugness of the smaller male’s choice of attire. With a smirk, Vegeta had already unzipped the younger’s looser jeans and slid the jeans and boxers past tapered hips and down to the knees… and then left them there as he scooted back up to straddled astride Goku’s hips.

 

Goku bit off another curse as he continued his futile attempts at pushing the skintight denim down narrow hips, when suddenly his wrists were grabbed and pinned to the sides of his waist. He managed a startled glance up at the smirking prince before a soft furry appendage wrapped around his erection and a hiss escaped through his clenched teeth. When the puffed tip flicked teasingly, lazily against his weeping member, he tossed his head to the side, eyes fluttering close as he bit down on his lower lip to hold back a whimper.

 

“What do you want, Kakarrot?” That dark, velvet voice he loved so much rolled languorously over him and he shuddered. His eyes were closed but he could imagine the feral smirk that went with that smooth tone so well. ~ What I really want…~

 

“Nnnnng…G-geta…” The bristling tip alternated between slightly stinging slaps and brushing caresses on that highly sensitive part of his anatomy, but his hands were pinned and his lower legs were tangled in his own jeans, and he could only rock his hips helplessly, needing more of those teasing, torturous yet wondrous sensations. “…pleaaase…” A low chuckle and crooning purr replied his whispered imploration.

 

“You want this?” When that steel–cored coil tightened in a rippling manner, he couldn’t stop his strangled groan and shudder, and whatever remaining strength he previously had drained out, leaving a growing pool of liquid, limp heat behind. Goku’s world went black and crimson as the ouji’s tail flexed and shifted and rippled. Panting and his nerves afire, he writhed and thrashed weakly. Incoherent curses and hoarse pleas stumbled from his throat but he was too delirious to realize or even to care. The world spun dizzyingly; there was no world. There was just sensation. All he could think about was that warm spiral that pulled and clenched, the fur creating delicious friction and sparks as it dragged across his sensitized skin. All that occupied him now was the scorching tension that built and spread within him until finally, he arched back, convulsing and releasing with a primal howl.


Please don't put your lips so close to my cheek
Don't smile or I'll be lost beyond recall
The kiss in your eyes the touch of your hand makes me weak
And my heart may grow dizzy and fall


Goku cuddled closer to the lithe form in his arms, both spent and satiated from their early evening activities. Feeling relaxed and buzzed, he decided to ask the question that has been bothering him. “Hey…Geta?” 

 

“Nani?” The prince yawned so widely that his jaw cracked. Purring loudly, he stretched.

 

“Where did you go today?”

 

“Uhhh…nowhere…” The supple body arched, twisting and stretching, much like a feline after a nap.

 

Goku frowned slightly. He hated it when Vegeta evaded his questions casually. Why couldn’t he just say where he went? Tensing slightly, he dropped that topic and tentatively tried something else. “Koi…about this morning…” Before he could continue though, soft lips were suddenly covered his, and a hand slid around to cup the back of his head. 

 

A sudden, uncharacteristic rage filled him and he pushed the older Saiyan back with a low snarl. The obvious way in which Vegeta tried to shrug him off and avoid his questions… The way Vegeta never seemed to take him seriously. The way it always ends up in sex. He was just so sick and tired of it all…

 

And the normally tolerant fighter had reached his breaking point.

 

Ignoring the rumble of anger from the royal, Goku sat up with a fierce scowl. “Shit, Vegeta! Listen to me!”

 

Suddenly, it was as if a dam burst within him. Suddenly, whatever they had, whatever they did; all seemed so sordid and shallow. Suddenly, he did not care if he blurted everything out to the other Saiyan. His jaw clenched grindingly. He felt immensely angry and so very hurt, and the urge, no, the need to say what he truly felt became sour and tangible. 

 

“Is that all I am to you? A good fuck? Is this what this relationship is all about? Only sex?” Rising to his feet, he glared down in rage at the frowning ouji. “Why don’t you ever take me seriously? Did you just think you can kiss me and I would shut up? That I would just forget what I was going to say?”

 

There was a long pause, and then Vegeta stood up with a hard glare, crossing his arms. “We have agreed that it is only sex, baka!”

 

Goku felt his chest constrict painfully at that one cold, frank statement. Swallowing hard as he looked into adamantine onyx eyes, he whispered. “Then when you asked me to stay with you…”

 

“It is simply more convenient.”

 

Goku stared at the other male in anguish, as the blunt words sank cuttingly and agonizingly into his core. The current situation seemed eerily like the nightmares that have been keeping him up for the past weeks.

 

~ Nooo… ~

 

His eyes watered slightly and he rubbed them roughly with the back of his hand. “Call me a third-class idiot, call me a royal fool… Baka no Kakarrot… All that I am and more, for I’ve fallen…” His voice cracked bitterly as he stumbled back. “…fallen for you. You will probably laugh if you knew how long I’ve …loved you.”

 

He couldn’t see Vegeta’s expression clearly as his vision blurred, nor did he want to. His breath came out in harsh sobs as his voice tripped jerkily in anger and anguish. Rage at Vegeta for being such a cold bastard, rage at himself for being such a gullible fool, hurt at the rejection and he let it all out, as his voice rose in volume. 

 

“I thought I could hide it, I thought maybe I could be satisfied with the way things were, how we stood, but I can’t. I even hoped, that just maybe, we had something more… I know you don’t want it…some sappy messy feelings, I know that you’ve made it clear from the start, but kami-dammit, I’m the more sorry one, don’t you think?!”

 

Dropping his head, he reached blindly for his clothing, heedless, uncaring of the tears that ran down his face. His voice dropped from a furious yell to a hoarse whisper. “And…dammit, I can’t take it anymore. I can’t just be your casual fuck, not when you are so much more to me.” Pulling his jeans up, he decided to forgo his shirt. He needed to get away from Vegeta now… He cannot bear to look at the other’s mocking, derisive expression.

 

“Kakarrot…” Vegeta stepped forward but stopped when the younger Saiyan bared his teeth, a sound that sounded like a growl and yet like a sob tripping from his throat.

 

“Forget it, Vegeta. Just forget it. I..I need to leave.” And he raised two fingers.


And if I fell under the spell of your call
I would be caught in the undertow
So you see I've got to say no
All or nothing at all

 

-----

 

A/N: The song “All or Nothing at All” was written by Jack Lawrence and Arthur Altman.

 

The idea for the jeans scene came out from a chat with Nashi *grins* and one day, dammit, I want to write “Why Vegeta Wears Tight Jeans”

 

-----

 

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Onto Chapter 4

 

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