If one disregarded all the fame, wealth and hype-going-on-mass-hysteria involved and looked at it strictly from a technical point of view, the tournament was a simple affair. Six elimination rounds with the pairs for each fight drawn randomly, the winners advancing to the next round. The battleground itself was a replica of an MMA ring, except that it was surrounded by a high wall of Perspex instead of the mesh used in MMA competitions. The wall could be lowered almost all the way down to the floor by an elevator platform under the ring so the fighters could get in and out. It was flexible enough so anyone hitting it would not sustain any serious damage, while at the same time being solid enough to withstand the impact. It provided excellent visibility and served as an effective barrier between spectators and fighters, ensuring the latter's safety as well as an interruptions-free action. Last, but not least, a fighter could not grab onto it in any way and use it to anchor herself or as a pivot.
There were NO RULES! There was a referee, but only to prevent serious injury; accept submissions or count knockouts. Pins and knockdowns (no matter how many) meant nothing! The only way a fight ended was by submission or KO or if a fighter was too badly injured to continue. (Note: Some women, after forcing a submission, would continue until the opponent was KO'd either to send a message to the other competitors or simply because there were hard feeling between them!)
* * * *
Sixty-four women began the tournament, each capable, each confident in her strength and ability and all of the driven by grand visions of glory and world domination. Fifty-six furious fights later, only eight were left. The others had crashed out, beaten, humbled and filled with a bitter disappointment and hatred toward their conquerors - and the world in general.
Some hadn't managed to win a single fight; others had won at least one; several notched two victories before falling to a superior fighter. Still, there wasn't a single one who felt she'd won anything whatsoever - yet! Those eliminated felt defeated and humiliated - and with good reason. They'd come to win the tournament and considered anything less somewhere between spectacular failure and total disaster - depending on how early they were eliminated, and by whom!
And these were the kind of women who did NOT easily accept failure. They liked to win and had become accustomed to it during their rise to fame and fortune. They were used to accomplishing their goals and any unsuccessful attempt at anything was a sledgehammer blow to their massive - yet fragile - egos! Losing to a celebrity rival was like pushing those egos in front of a Maglev train. And there had been nothing any of them could do about it! They'd all tried their best, but it hadn't been enough. They'd been beaten soundly and sent packing; left to lick their wounds; to try to rebuild their crumpled self-belief; hoping to exact revenge on another, better, day.
The eight who remained were entertainments elite; the best of the best; the crème de la crème - all still as cocky and confident as ever - perhaps even more so now, since each had won all her fights; inching closer and closer to the ultimate goal, victory in the tournament.
Some had an easier path to these quarterfinals while others struggled with tougher opponents, but all were here and each was dead certain SHE would emerge triumphant. Seven would be wrong; they'd end up with nothing but bad memories and dashed hopes. While they all had reasons to be self-assured, only one would prove herself the best by winning three more fights and thus earn the title "Female Celebrity Fighting Champion" for 2009. Next year, another group of women would compete to the 2010 title - and maybe the champion would return to defend her crown(?)
* * * *
The First Round Results:
Amanda Righetti defeated Natasha Henstridge by KO (Punches to the head)
Beyonce Knowles defeated Britney Spears by KO (Head Scissors + Reverse Facesit)
Catherine Bell defeated Erica Durance by Submission (Boston Crab)
Halle Berry defeated Jennifer Garner by Submission (Breast Smothering)
Jessica Biel defeated Naomi Campbell by Submission (Schoolgirl Pin w/Bitch Slapping)
Katherine Heigl defeated Brooklyn Decker by KO (Breast Smother)
Scarlett Johansson defeated Adriana Lima by Submission (Breast Smother)
Taylor Cole defeated Yvonne Strahovski by KO (Karate Kick to the jaw)
Blake Lively defeated Mary Elizabeth Winstead by Submission (Figure Four Leglock)
Kristanna Loken defeated Nicole Scherzinger by Submission (Head Scissors)
Taylor Swift defeated Rihanna by Submission (Rear Naked Choke)
Eva Longoria defeated Christina Aguilera by Submission (Pin w/Breast Mauling)
Maria Sharapova defeated Kelly Hu by Submission (Matchbook Pin)
Jennifer Love Hewitt defeated Salma Hayek by KO (Breast Smother)
Evangeline Lilly defeated Kate Beckinsale by Submission (Reverse Head Scissors)
Cindy Crawford defeated Demi Moore by Submission (Body Scissors w/Full Nelson)
Tyra Banks defeated Gisele Bundchen by Submission (Breast Smother)
Anna Kournikova defeated Danica Patrick by Submission (Head Scissors)
Jennifer Lopez defeated Tia Carrere by KO (Reverse Facesit)
Carmen Electra defeated Jenny McCarthy by Submission (Grapevine w/Breast Mauling)
Mariah Carey defeated Kim Kardashian by Submission + KO (Bear Hug+Reverse Facesit)
Heidi Klum defeated Alyssa Milano by Submission (Breast Smother)
Ali Landry defeated Kaley Cuoco by Submission (Reverse Head Scissors)
Laetitia Casta defeated Marisa Miller by KO (Breast Smother)
Hayden Panettiere defeated Kristen Bell by Submission (Figure Four Head Scissors)
Vanessa Anne Hudgens defeated Megan Fox by Submission (Schoolgirl Pin w/Bitch Slapping)
Lacey Chabert defeated Kristin Kreuk by KO (Breast-Smother)
Charisma Carpenter defeated Jennifer O'Dell by Submission (Camel Clutch)
Brooke Burke defeated Joanna Krupa by KO (Breast Smother)
Aishwarya Rai defeated Keira Knightley by Submission (Schoolgirl Pin)
Ali Larter defeated Jessica Alba by Submission (Surfboard)
Charlize Theron defeated Catherine Zeta Jones by KO (Body Scissors w/Sleeper)
* * * *
The Second Round Results:
Amanda Righetti defeated Mariah Carey by Submission (Guillotine Choke)
Beyonce Knowles defeated Ali Landry by Submission (Head Scissors) + KO (Reverse Facesit)
Catherine Bell defeated Charlize Theron by KO (Grapevine/Breast Smother)
Halle Berry defeated Tyra Banks by Submission + KO (Breast Smother)
Jessica Biel defeated Maria Sharapova by Submission (Camel Clutch)
Katherine Heigl defeated Taylor Swift by KO (Breast Smother)
Scarlett Johansson defeated Lacey Chabert by KO (Breast Smother)
Taylor Cole defeated Blake Lively by Submission (Armbar)
Kristanna Loken defeated Evangeline Lilly by Submission (Body Scissors)
Eva Longoria defeated Carmen Electra by Submission (Schoolgirl Pin)
Jennifer Love Hewitt defeated Jennifer Lopez by KO (Breast Smother)
Cindy Crawford defeated Laetitia Casta by Submission (Reverse Facesit)
Brooke Burke defeated Anna Kournikova by Submission + KO (Grapevine w/Breast Smother)
Vanessa Anne Hudgens defeated Hayden Panettiere by Submission (Triangle Choke)
Aishwarya Rai defeated Heidi Klum by Submission (Body Scissors w.Breast Mauling)
Ali Larter defeated Charisma Carpenter by Submission (Boston Crab)
* * * *
The Third Round Results:
Amanda Righetti defeated Cindy Crawford by KO (Sleeper)
Beyonce Knowles defeated Ali Larter by KO (Head Scissors+Reverse Facesit)
Catherine Bell defeated Aishwarya Rai by Submission (Figure Four Head Scissors)
Halle Berry defeated Jennifer Love Hewitt by KO (Breast Smother)
Jessica Biel defeated Brooke Burke by Submission (Cradle)
Katherine Heigl defeated Eva Longoria by KO (Breast Smother)
Scarlett Johansson defeated Vanessa Anne Hudgens by KO (Breast Smother)
Taylor Cole defeated Kristanna Loken by Submission (Body Scissors w/Full Nelson)
* * * *
The "Elite Eight" remaining were (in alphabetical order w/names of their victims):
Catherine Bell (Durance, Theron, Rai)
Halle Berry (Garner, Banks, Hewitt)
Jessica Biel (Naomi Campbell, Sharapova, B.Burke)
Taylor Cole (Strahovski, Lively, Loken)
Katherine Heigl (Decker, Swift, Longoria)
Scarlett Johansson (Lima, Chabert, Hudgens)
Beyonce Knowles (Spears, Landry, Larter)
Amanda Righetti (Henstridge, Carey, Crawford)