Karen had heard the buzz about TLC, one of the trendiest boutiques on trendy Rodeo Drive; one that specialized in the slinkiest lingerie and a vast range of scents, lotions, treatments and gifts designed to make the ultimate erotic feminine impression. She hadn't been there since it opened while she had been away battling Aikka's killers around the globe.
A huge, nasty, frown dominated her face as she considered Aikka's 'in your face' audacity! Marrying Irish...AND inviting her to witness it?
"Why, you fucking whore.......when I'm through with you, your big fat tits will flat as manhole covers...." Karen muttered, her eyes flashing with indignant fury as she raced back to her apartment and called TLC. By God, she was going to send Aikka the Bride a GIFT alright!
Much to her surprise, Karen found the boutique was SO exclusive that customers had to make appointments and only one customer per hour was serviced. The entire staff was available to ensure every detail was perfectly executed. Karen rolled her eyes as the prissy voice on the other end of the line droned on and on about Beverly Hills' most exquisite shop. TLC? It stood for Total Luxury Concepts, she learned. Karen was granted a 4PM appointment the next day, but only after a long silence and the sound of flipping pages in the 'reservation book'. Finally, the snooty voice said, "Yes, 4P M tomorrow is agreeable."
"Can I wear jeans, hun?" Karen goofed as she prepared to hang up.
"We'd really RATHER you wear something a bit more....umm...presentable? You DO understand, Ms. McDougal...our image IS everything to us," the snooty voice suggested firmly.
"Very well, I'll be in my Sunday best," Karen chuckled.
"Oh, and Ms. McDougal, please DO be prompt. We at TLC expect punctuality from our clients!"
That was all Karen could take of the insufferable snootiness and she hung up without so much as a good bye. At, TLC, the phone call concluded with a chorus of giggles.
"That was brilliant! Where did you perfect that snippy little accent? I bet she wanted to absolutely strangle you through the phone," Lisa Dergan cackled, her eyes alive with mischief.
"Acting classes, Dergan...lots of acting classes! I must have a thousand voices down by now," explained sultry Carrie Stevens as she drew her long fingers seductively through an endless supply of wavy red hair.
"To tomorrow," Lisa shouted, pouring two tall flutes of Dom Perignon champagne from a magnum.
"To tomorrow indeed," Carrie responded hoisting her glass. "...and to, at long last, the end of Karen McDougal!"
As the two villainesses chuckled heartily under the distinct sensation of the bubbly wine draining down their long, sleek throats, at Chez Aikka Irish prepared to roll his aching body out of bed....there WAS the pool to clean, after all! He moaned as he bent to slip his shoes on, then he heard something he'd come to expect; the sounds of a vicious shouting match between Aikka and her dreaded "Sugar Mama" - the woman in the Black Mask.
"You paid her HOW MUCH?" the Mask demanded, her voice trembling with disgust. "That's FOUR TIMES what I approved, you MORON!"
"True," Aikka replied calmly. "But ask yourself ...do you want McDougal taken out - guaranteed - or do you want her on my...er, make that our... doorstep? Because when she shows up, you can't think I'll be the ONLY one she's looking for! She knows all about you now...HE told her! And you've already seen what that bitch can do when she's highly motivated!"
"Guaranteed, you say?" the Masked Maniac replied, calming down a bit.
"Guaranteed! When Tiffany Taylor puts a bitch down, she DOES NOT get up. You remember Tyson in his prime? Well, believe me, Tiff's a young Tyson with tits. The meanest, coldest cunt I've ever seen. You saw what she did to Lover Boy here? Hell, I almost had to ship him off to the Vienna Boys Choir! If Tiff comes looking for a rematch with him...mark my words, he'll BEG to be castrated first!" Aikka chortled.
"OK, my little pervert; but you sure as Hell better be right! My husband's gonna sic his goddam accountant on my ass if these expenses keep mounting up," the Black Mask complained gruffly.
"Take it to the bank, Honey," Aikka replied confidently. "There won't be enough of McDougal left to scrape up and put in a coffin so we can at least economize on her funeral."
"Yea, K Mac's funeral...or perhaps YOURS, Aikka! Believe me, if this doesn't work, I'll turn your carcass into a big, bloody bucket of shark chum...AND I'll charter the boat to Catalina myself...," the Mask growled ominously, brushing shoulders with the slack jawed Irish as she made an angry and abrupt departure.
But as soon as the Black Mask's back was turned, Aikka frowned and shoved her middle finger angrily in the air. "Shark chum, MY ASS!" she snorted. Then, still red-faced with anger and fear, Aikka roughly grabbed Irish by the hand and dragged him to her bedroom. "Right this way, my slave! Momma needs another orgasm....NOW!"
Trapped in a moment of pure, slutty lust, Aikka rode Irish's cock like Debra Winger on the mechanical bull in "Urban Cowboy" bucking and bouncing with wild cries of delight until her womanhood exploded, flooding Irish's pelvis with her hot passion juices. As he gasped for breath beneath her still throbbing body, all Irish could think of was getting his first cup of coffee. The morning, as they say, was off to an interesting start!
As the appointed hour approached, Karen chose her best high fashion power suit, pinned her hair back in a conservative bun and generally assumed the persona of a corporate 'bitch on wheels'. The look and feeling was such a radical departure from her usual style that she enjoyed the role-playing aspect of her adventure. Karen fully understood her shopping trip to TLC would in all probability become her eleventh labor for she quickly saw through the 'exclusive appointment' ruse and decided to give her nails a final sharpening with her emery board before venturing into hostile territory. She carefully trod the stairs in her best Nine Wests and stepped into the cab which she'd arranged to pick her up.
Meanwhile, the proprietors of TLC, Lisa Dergan and Carrie Stevens, were putting the finishing touches on their own dazzling wardrobes and both looked ready to stride the red carpet at the Golden Globes. Lisa look ravishing in a backless, low-cut sequined gown with a huge slit to the hip that showed off her mouthwatering legs to full advantage while the deep green color enhanced her sparkling eyes.
Carrie, the very personification of a glamorous redhead, was doing her best Jessica Rabbit impression, slinking about seductively on high stiletto heels, allowing her hands to slowly caress the spectacular curves of her body, which were barely confined by her see-thru black silk kimono that seemed to have been painted on her body. She had chosen dramatic - even severe - makeup that transformed her face to an almost Asian appearance and her waves of red hair were contained in a Chinese bun with long 'chopsticks' thrust through it to hold it in place. But for her red hair, she could easily have been the second coming of Mdme. Chaing Kai-shek!
At one minute before 4PM, the front door doorbell announced Karen's arrival. Carrie pressed a button that automatically opened the door and, once the business-like Ms. McDougal entered, rapidly closed and locked it behind her with an ominous CLICK! Karen took a brief look back at the locked door, then turned around to behold the grinning, glowing countenance of her long-time rival, Lisa Dergan!
"Welcome to TLC, McDougal. It's our honor to serve you today. Choosing something for Aikka the Pervert's nuptials, are we?" Lisa droned, her every word leaden with undisguised sarcasm.
"Cut the crap, cunt," Karen spat. "And bring out your back-up so I can meet her too 'cause we both know why I'm here and even Aikka's not dumb enough to trust YOU to get this done alone..."
"How very perceptive!" replied a voice from behind a nearby curtain as Carrie stepped out and made her dramatic entrance.
"Well, well, if it isn't the mother- Dragon -fuckin' Lady?" Karen replied dismissively.
It had been a long time since Karen's first confrontation with Carrie at the announcement party that way back in 98 had confirmed Karen's status as PMOY. It had been an occasion rife with rancor and conflict as three other women from the class of '97 - Lynn Thomas, Layla Roberts, and Carrie - had all convinced themselves that THEY should be crowned. And since Hef treasured the shroud of secrecy surrounding these event, he had played along with their delusions.
Needless to say, none of the three handled disappointment well, and the newly crowned Karen became a lighting rod for their hostility. Before the sun set on her first day as 'royalty', Karen had been forced to confront - and beat - each of the three villainesses; Carrie being the third and last. Karen had never been in finer form and by the time she was done, Carrie was a battered, bruised, punching bag with two black eyes that made her look like a raccoon, and droopy lifeless breasts like a well-milked heifer on 'The Simple Life."
Roberts and Thomas had each found occasion to challenge Karen again, but the humiliation of that evening haunted Carrie to this day! As the old saying goes, revenge is a dish best served cold, and in Carrie's case, Aikka's fat fee was plenty of incentive to take her seething hatred out of the deep freeze and bring it back to a rolling boil!
Karen put her hands on her hips and smirked, "Let me get this straight... you TWO certified fuck-ups are poor Aikka's last, best, line of defense? God, she's either REALLY desperate or the woman's got a helluva death wish...."
"Two?" Carrie asked impishly, raising two fingers in front of her lips and flicking her tongue between them as she winked at Lisa.
"Yeah, who said anything 'bout TWO, honeypie?" Lisa grinned. "Lemme 'splain something. Here at TLC, I'm Lisa, the 'L'...
"And I'm Carrie, the 'C'," Stevens added. "And....," she continued, as if explaining a nursery rhyme to an infant.
"Stop!!" Karen demanded. "So 'T' must be Tishara Cousino, the girl who got screwed out of pounding on me in Vegas? Oh, this is rich....very rich!"
"Guess again, asswipe," a stern voice rumbled from behind Karen.
The overconfident glow disappeared instantly from Karen's face as she turned and saw immediately behind her wearing the black trench coat and tall snakeskin boots that inhabited Irish's nightmares....Aikka's Terminatress - Tiffany Taylor! Karen understood immediately that Aikka was playing for keeps - three against one AND the nastiest, most brutal fighter in the game standing right in her path to Irish; the same Irish who'd warned her about Tiffany, "BRING YOUR 'A' GAME AND PRAY." As the room grew silent, the only sound was the knocking of Karen's knees!!
"My boyfriend told me you were pretty tough," Karen shot back at the scowling Tiffany, in a moment of uneasy bravado. "But I guess he was wrong if you REALLY need these two limp-dicks to back you up! I heard you had game but apparently there's been some mistake."
"Oh, I've got WAY more game than YOU can handle, sweetie," Tiffany spat back. "And Lisa and Carrie? They're just here for the entertainment value...spectators only...eye-witnesses to the tragic fall of the legendary K Mac!" Then she continued, "Oh, and that so-called boyfriend of yours? Sugar, he is a 100% certified, verifiable, girly man. The saddest excuse for a man I've whipped in years..." Tiffany taunted.
"Maybe he was just being a gentleman. But of course, how would YOU know?" Karen spat, her face red with suppressed rage.
"Oh, for God's sake. Will you two knock off the posturing, shut up and fight already!" Lisa shouted, while Carrie rolled her eyes and consulted her wristwatch in an ill-advised and unnecessary expression of her boredom.
Tiffany took the hint and slipped out of her trenchcoat, revealing her glistening naked body; a monument to intimidation. Karen was still fully dressed in her business attire but within seconds, Tiffany made sure our heroine was no longer 'dressed for success'! Although neither fighter had faced her rival before, their reputations were well known and what Lisa and Carrie were watching unfold had the same electricity as the great fights like Ali-Frazier, Hearns-Hagler and Leonard-Duran. No informed student of the game could challenge the premise that Taylor-McDougal was simply as good as it gets.
After the mandatory minute of steely-eyed circling, they locked fingers for a furious test of strength. The stalemate persisted for well over 30 seconds to the surprise - truth be told - of everyone including the participants. It was Karen who eventually broke Tiffany's will as she forced the raven-haired villainess back and into a change of strategy!
Carrie and Lisa shared a concerned glance when Tiffany's left leg lifted off the floor as if jet propelled and found a home in the soft flesh behind Karen's right knee. She floundered back and down as her legs flew out from under her and as Tiffany followed through, her long black hair swept across her face, disguising brown eyes that flashed with menace and renewed confidence as Karen’s butt bounced on the expensive Berber carpeting of the TLC salon floor.
"On your ass again McDougal? How's it feel this time?" Carrie crowed from a safe distance.
"Yea, you'll wish you had a pillow strapped to your bony ass by the time Tiff gets tired of knocking you down," Lisa chimed in, her trademark smarmy smile spreading from ear to ear.
“Or had a natural pillow butt like that egotistical bitch Charlize Theron!” Carrie added, elbowing Lisa as they giggled.
"Why don't you fools just shut up and watch the fight!!" two new and unfamiliar voices called out in unison from behind the devious duo.
Their smartass faces suddenly ashen with surprise, Lisa and Carrie turned around and what they saw made their hearts skip a beat! Arms folded over their full breasts, legs spread wide in an athletic pose, the voices came from two dusky women standing beside the cosmetics counter - the decidedly unfriendly, Rosie and Renee, the Tenison Twins! All hell was about to break loose as Team Aikka's 3:1 advantage had disappeared like a puff of smoke. Responding to the 'flight' instinct racing like high voltage current down their cowardly spines, Lisa and Carrie took a step back as their eyes hurriedly seached out the exits with frenetic glances. Meanwhile, the predatory Tenison Twins moved forward, teeth and fists tightly clenched, cutting cut off the escape routes the 'evening gown girls' had hoped to use. The bejeweled 'spectators' were suddenly forced into the role of 'participants'.
Meanwhile, on the floor, Tiffany and Karen went at each other tooth and nail; scratching, clawing, cursing, yanking hair, kicking and generally ripping each other to shreds! Irish's mantra "bring your A game" looped through Karen's subconscious every few seconds, and with each reminder, she found a new way to punish her younger, stronger and more vicious opponent. For her part, Tiffany was the warrior personified - a woman willing to endure terrible punishment for the chance to dish out even more. One thing was completely clear - neither, regardless of the ultimate result, would emerge whole for this was a battle after which even the victor would crawl away somber and diminished, rather than triumphant!
Karen scored with a nasty headbutt that caught Tiffany on the bridge of her nose and began a steady flow of bloody mucus from the villainesses nostrils. But Karen's triumph ended abruptly with Tiffany’s savage claw rake of her eyes which left Karen shrieking and blinking hysterically in temporary blindness. The action was so intense and so consuming that neither Karen nor Tiffany had any idea what was transpiring just twenty feet away in the shoe department between the other four women in the store.
"Ain't these about the rudest salesgirls you’ve EVER seen?" joked Rosie as she secured a face reddening choke on a rapidly-fading Lisa.
"You ain't NEVAH lied, sista!" Renee responded, ripping the stylish chopsticks out of Carrie's hair which allowed her massive waves of auburn to fall freely over the villainess' punch-reddened face.
"I think I'm gonna make an example out of this one," Rosie laughed, tightening down hard on the absolutely terrified Lisa's slender neck.
"You got anything to say for yourself, motherfucker?" Renee taunted as she held the wobbling Carrie upright and as she awaited Carrie’s trembling-lipped answer, “Rampaging Renee” ripped away Carrie's flimsy kimono with a might tug, exposing her trembling naked body with an assortment of scratches, bruise and welts she'd recently inflicted on it.
When she saw what her sister was up to, Rosie suddenly realized her own negligence in the wardrobe department, so with the rapacity of a raccoon attacking a hefty bag of discarded BBQ scraps, she quickly stripped Lisa down to her pantyhose and pearls - and badly ripped pantyhose at that!
Back on the floor in the main event, Karen had continued to carry the fight to the bully Tiffany. In a risky maneuver, she managed to roll Tiffany over on her back and had assumed a precarious, albeit effective, reverse facesit. While Tiffany bucked and struggled trying to dislodge her, Karen's fingers struck paydirt in the villainess' vulnerable breasts and our girl went for the gusto; squeezing, pinching and pulling with all her might! Tiffany's protests were muffled by Karen's tight buns until a couple of particularly unfriendly nipple pinches made Tiffany to kick her legs even harder in protest. That’s when Karen found she’d made a fatal strategic error!
Catfight Rule #1 is never, ever attempt a facesit until you've drained your opponents strength, will and confidence! Tiffany was down - and frankly surprised by Karen’s moxie - but she was far from finished and in no way was she demoralized! Summoning all her might, Tiffany brought both legs straight up and snapped them back, slamming her knees into Karen’s forehead. Dazed, Karen toppled over sideways and, a second later, Tiffany had thrown her off altogether. As Karen took a moment to clear the cobwebs, the angry and now-thoroughly maniacal Tiffany began to reverse the trend of the last few minutes and reassert her superiority.
A swift to the back of the head served notice on Karen that the tide was turning against her and as Tiffany loomed over her, lifting Karen up with a fistful of hair, she drove a knee into the small of her back so hard Karen grunted as the wind was knocked out of her momentarily.
"Your party's over!” Tiffany announced with authority as she twisted Karen's right arm into a violent armbar, burying her fist between her shoulder blades.
As Karen grimaced in agony, Tiffany again made effective use of her knee, driving it straight up Karen's butt crack so hard it lifted her off her feeet. Releasing the armbar, Tiffany grabbed Karen's other arm and, pivoting expertly, Irish whipped her headfirst into a cosmetics display case which just happened to be handcrafted by gnomes in the Black Forest from the finest mahogany. A normal skull would likely have shattered on impact, but Karen had proven in one adventure after another that her head was far harder than most Playmates’ and she simply bounced off, staggered back in slow motion…then crumpled to the floor on her tits where she lay stunned and groggy.
"Now for a little titty payback!" Tiffany declared, as she kicked Karen in the ribs to turn her over before she dropped onto her chest and trapped Karen’s arms under her knees in your classic schoolgirl pin.
The obligatory bitchslap could wait as first Tiffany wanted to reach back and crush Karen's lovely boobs in her strong, unforgiving vice-grip fingers! Once she'd satisfied her lust for revenge that left Karen's proud breasts swollen and purple, Tiffany began a savage bitchslapping, counting as she cracked Karen’s face with increasing savagery until clap #20 was brutal enough it almost sent Karen's eyeballs flying out of their socket! Karen’s lips were swollen grotesquely and split in three places and blood flowed from both corners of her mouth, leaving her pearly white teeth covered with a red film. There was no more resistance, as Karen's spread-eagled limbs remained eerily limp.
The Tenison Twins ‘battle’ with Carrie and Lisa had moved back to the shipping and receiving room at the back of TLC where the tough twins were having their way with the ditzy duo. Rosie wrapped Lisa's tits up nice and tight with shipping tape, while Renee stuffed Carrie's mouth full of perfumed gift wrap tissue after first wiping her glistening sweaty butt with it! As Carrie choked and gagged, Renee put a pair of scissors to work, chopping big, irregular hunks of red hair out of the hapless villainess’ scalp. Rosie threw the back door open, found a convenient dumpster and opened the lid, then went back inside and dragged Lisa outside where she ‘clean and jerked’ her overhead and then rudely heaved her head first in with the rest of the trash!
Carrie came next as Renee hoisted her overhead and threw her on top of Lisa who was just sitting up. Their heads collided on impact and cuckoos fluttered around in their feeble brains as the humiliated losers descended into darkness with the slamming of the dumpster lid. CLANG! The sistas gave each other a well-deserved high-five before they returned to the boutique where, sensing she may need them, Renee picked up the pair of scissors and Rosie grabbed a bladed box cutter off the shipping table on their way to rescue Karen.
At the cosmetics counter stood a bruised, battered - but victorious - Tiffany, her sweaty bare breasts heaving as she leaned on the counter, looking down with a wicked glare at Karen's beaten, motionless body. There was no doubt as to which wicked woman now stood at the apex of the ‘Hefner Catfight Pantheon’ as, slowly and deliberately, Tiffany took a long barreled, silenced, Baretta from her handbag. She stood stroking the barrel, her eyes closed in a moment of blissful bloodlust. Here at long last, was the moment she and Aikka had been pointing toward for weeks!
Tiffany anticipated the pleasure she'd enjoy as Aikka's Maid of Honor in her forced marriage to Irish. How delightful it would be to see the groom quaking in her presence - his well-earned fear amplified by the knowledge that this was the raven-haired murderess who’d dispatched his beloved Karen to the Great Playboy Mansion In the Sky (with Diamonds!) Savoring the image in her head, Tiffany slowly and deliberately raised the pistol and squinted through the sights at the twin creases of flesh just between Karen’s closed eyes. Just as her finger started to squeeze the trigger, she felt a sharp tug on her long hair, jerking her head back as a hand grabbed her forearm and raised the gun to the ceiling. Tiffany felt a cold, sharp, steel blade pressed against her throat.
"Do NOT pull that trigger, bitch!!" Rosie's stern voice commanded.
As Tiffany looked down, she saw just inches from her face, Renee pointing the open twin blades of the scissors at her eyes, threatening to blind and disfigure her. Reluctantly, but wisely, Tiffany opened her hand and dropped the gun with a clatter on the floor between Karen's spread legs and raised her hands in surrender.
Renee took the scissors away and spoke, "Look, Taylor. We all saw what happened. You kicked McDougal's ass - fair and square. You think you're the best? OK, maybe you are, Hon."
"Today anyway…" Rosie corrected her sister.
"Today anyway," Renee resumed. "You're free to go. You earned the right to walk out of here with dignity and with both your face and your body intact. But Karen’s coming with us - alive. Fuck you and your Aikka The Pervert!"
Tiffany stared deep into Renee's eyes. Sworn enemies to be sure, but warriors who lived by the warriors code and respected it. Then she shrugged, collected her gear, pulled on her black trenchcoat and ran her hands slowly through her long, silky black hair before she turned and walked out the door with her head held high.
********
As the sun set behind the Beverly Hills, the Tenisons turned their attention to Karen's battered body as she finally began to show some signs of life; her facial muscles twitching and her arms lifting slowly and painfully off the cold floor.
"Wh...where....am.....I?" she asked gently. "Why am I here?" Her bloodshot eyes struggled to focus, then she mumbled in bewilderment, "Renee? Renee..Tenison? What’re you doin’ here? H...how'd you know?" she whispered.
"Child, we got your back - as usual!” Renee laughed. “We been reading Aikka's mail for months now. Ever notice how everytime she throws two or three sluts at you, somebody just *happens* to show up in the nick of time so save..." she reached out and gave Karen's bottom a spank. THWAP! "...this sweet ass?"
"Yeah!" mumbled Karen who, despite her agony and befuddlement, smiled.
"C'mon, girl, get up!" Rosie suggested as she extended her hand. "Let's get the fuck outta here. This shit's toooo expensive...."
"...and there ain't nuthin' on sale," Renee added with a giggle. "Fuck that...know what I'm sayin'?"
Karen's wan smile suddenly returned 100 megawatts, as usual.
"Damn straight, sistas,” Karen giggled. “Hell, fuck TLC, and MOTHERfuck old Aikka! I've earned my shot, ladies and I'm gonna enjoy ripping the tits off that scum-sucking 'bride to be'!"
But in the rush of excitement that accompanied her verbal bravado, Karen turned around to fast and she fainted, hitting the floor with a loud THUMP!! Gently, Renee cradled her friend in her arms and while Rosie held the door open, carried their charge to the street where they hailed a cab and gently laid Karen on the back seat between them. Karen's head rested on Rosie's shoulder as Renee gave the taxi driver an address and, less than ten minutes later after slowing in front of the Playboy Mansion, the taxi turned into the driveway of the luxurious mansion of Kimberley Conrad Hefner who Renee had already alerted by cellphone.
Kimberley came rushing out to meet the taxi in the driveway. "How bad is it?" she asked, her face ashen with concern as the three women dragged Karen's limp body from the cab.
"She'll live," Renee answered, holding Karen with her slack arms draped over she and Rosie's shoulders. "The good news is that Aikka's not going to be happy about this, at all..."
"Fuck that cunt!" Kimberley grumbled gruffly. "Take her to my bed, ladies. She needs a good night's rest more than anything. Tomorrow's a new day and a new beginning for our brave Karen....and the beginning of the end for Aikka the Pervert!"
If Kimberley had spoken with the same conviction to advise you what lottery numbers to play, dear reader, you'd draw out your life's savings and lay it all on the line, in full confidence!!
Continue to Aikka's Batchelorette Party and Karen's PMOY Party