Before They Were Playmates #1: Elke Jeinsen vs. Jenny McCarthy by jermaine

For Jenny, it was a dream come true! As she stepped off the Chicago to Frankfurt flight—her first airplane trip—she soaked in the vibe of Germany. It was here that she would spend her junior year in high school, thanks to the student exchange program. A two hour car ride through the German countryside left her wide-eyed and smiling broadly. What a place!

Arriving at dinnertime to meet her new family, she was treated to a full blown Bavarian feast, then it was off to bed early for a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow morning would be the first day of school.

Jenny’s sponsor at the school, and her new best friend was a small, nervous but very sweet girl named Magda. As Magda introduced the newly arrived American, the German students extended warm greetings. The warmest greetings, it must be said, were from the boys at the school, who were immediately blown away by Jenny’s amazing body (the short skirt that was part of the school uniform did wonders for Jenny’s million-dollar legs), her captivating smile, and her friendly, open manner. Jenny was pretty observant, and she soon realized that Magda was making a special effort NOT to introduce her to a certain blonde girl, who was standing to one side, observing every move that Jenny made.

As some of the girls she had just met moved along, Jenny noticed that they were crowding around the mysterious blonde, whispering, snickering and casting glances toward Jenny. Instinctively, Jenny knew she had made an enemy and a rival, and they hadn’t even been introduced yet!

Finally, Jenny could take no more of Magda’s stalling, “Why don’t you introduce me to that tall blonde over there? She looks like a person I need to meet,” Jenny suggested.

When Magda’s face lost its rosy color and turned ashen, Jenny knew that this blonde was no ordinary schoolgirl. Jenny’s American experiences in tough, urban schools had taught her to recognize the type—the school yard dictator.

“Who IS she, Magda?,” Jenny pressed on.

Through stuttering lips, Magda replied. “Her name’s Elke Jeinsen, and she’s the ‘Queen’ around here. She and her network of spies and snitches run everything at the school. She has no friends, only slaves and stooges. And if you choose to be her enemy, you will suffer greatly.”

Jenny pressed Magda for more information. “Magda, look me in the eye. Has that bully ever hurt you?”. The tears that began to form in the corners of Magda’s sad eyes provided the answer to Jenny’s question.

Jenny knew the “type”. Last year, back in Chicago, she had stood up to a school yard dictator, a stunning Latina brunette five inches taller and a year older than Jenny. When the fight was over, Jenny had the creep face down on the ground, twisting her arm behind her, and insulting her, as the former dictator blubbered her tearful surrender in Spanish.

As fate would have it, in the morning’s first class, Jenny’s desk was immediately in front of Elke Jeinsen’s. The teacher asked the American newcomer to stand up and introduce herself. After Jenny finished her comments, she prepared to sit down, but the seat was pulled out from under her from behind. Jenny’s fell awkwardly to the floor, while Elke and a group of her closest cronies had a good laugh. The teacher gave Elke a stern look, but Jenny noticed that there was no verbal discipline. Jenny understood that Elke even had the faculty under her thumb. Jenny knew that whatever developed between her and this teenage witch, that Jenny would be on her own. Elke owned the turf—all of it.

After lunch, it was time for a soccer match. Jenny was a star soccer player in Illinois, so she looked forward to testing her skills against German girls who had been playing the game almost every day in their lives. Not surprisingly, Elke was captain of one team, which was composed of her most loyal inner circle of stooges. The other team, which was as familiar with defeat as the opposing team in a Harlem Globetrotters game, recruited the new American and put her at center, directly across from Elke.

Jenny’s righteous anger drove her like rocket fuel. She took charge of her down trodden team, and the group of dispirited losers began to play with an enthusiasm that had long been dormant. Magda, the undersized goalkeeper, somehow found greatness within herself, and she handled several blistering shots from even Elke herself, shots that would have been certain goals only a day before. Meanwhile, Jenny and her front line were putting constant pressure on the bad girls defense, and getting shots on goal that began to sorely test the skills of Elke’s seldom challenged goalkeeper, Greta.

With only two minutes left in a 1-1 tie, Elke knew it was time for her to take personal control of the match. As she and Jenny sped toward the ball in mid-field, Elke struck Jenny’s ankle with her spiked heel, then drove a not-so-subtle elbow into her American rival’s jaw. Jenny went down, rolled over and listened for the referee’s whistle. But no foul had been called, and Elke was streaking down field toward the goal, skillfully eluding Jenny’s defensive players. She drew back her foot and sent a rocket shot at the goal. Magda’s instincts were perfect, and she leapt directly in the path of the ball. It hit her squarely in the face. As she felt the bones in her nose breaking from the impact, Magda nonetheless wrapped both hands around the ball, and fell forward on top of it. NO GOAL! Magda managed to roll the ball to a teammate, while Elke stood in front of the goal, hands on hips, eyes bulging and nostrils flaring—in stunned disbelief.

It was as if Elke’s entire team suddenly was standing in wet concrete. Jenny’s team sped past them, using a crisp series of precise passing, until they had delivered the ball to their new American leader, twenty feet to the left of the very frightened enemy goalkeeper. The ball exploded off Jenny’s foot like a mortar shell, and it drove into the far left upper corner of the goal, at least a foot above Greta’s desperately outstretched hands. Within a second, the horn sounded, and a stunning 2-1 upset win was in the school record books.

As Jenny and her jubilant team headed for the showers, she knew that a locker room showdown with Elke and her goons was a 100% certainty. Jenny wrapped her arm around the exuberant Magda. The new fast friends were only barely aware of the pain in Magda’s broken nose and Jenny’s swollen jaw, such was the balm of unexpected victory!

Following a few steps behind them, a fuming Elke was dragging her goalkeeper back to the locker room by the ear, berating her with language that a sailor would find offensive.

As the girls stripped down to shower, the teams kept their distance. However, on the “border line”, Jenny and Elke were standing only inches apart, getting a good look at each other’s naked bodies. As she studied the American’s shapely frame, Elke knew that for the first time in her life, she had real competition. Jenny’s long legs were a match for hers, they both had exquisite, tight abs and butts, and Jenny’s magnificent breasts—truth be told—dwarfed Elke’s. The German bully’s resentment grew as she knew Jenny was making the same comparison, and feeling good about how she “shaped up” vs. Elke.

As the girl’s began to towel off, Elke could control her temper no more, and she barked an order to her assembled goons, “Let’s give our new American friend a greeting that she will remember for years to come.”

The stooges obeyed immediately, and soon Jenny was surrounded and alone. Then something remarkable happened. Magda leapt on Greta’s back like a crazed pit bull, pulling her back away from the circle. Others on Jenny’s team found the courage to act, and soon the circle of stooges was gone. Amidst the sounds of high pitched ‘war cries’ and flying fists, Jenny’s girls rose as one to resist the oppression that had been a grim reality every day in ‘Elke’s school.’

As Elke stared in disbelief, her ‘troops’ were being manhandled by the former ‘doormats’ of the school. Energized by her team’s bravery, Jenny grabbed two fistfuls of Elke’s hair, and dragged her into the private part of the locker room, where the toilets and urinals were. Jenny pushed the bully rudely to the floor, locked the door behind her, then grabbed a broom and inserted the handle into the door latch as an extra assurance of “privacy”.

Meanwhile outside, the battle was a rout - Jenny’s former namby-pambies were slamming their naked tormentors into walls, lockers, shower stalls, etc., exacting a fearsome toll of revenge. The sound was so loud, that hardly anyone noticed the high pitched screams—all in German, emanating from behind the locked door. Magda and Co. were busy tying up their rivals wrists and ankles with gym towels, when the locked door suddenly swung open.

Elke emerged first, one unsteady step following slowly after another. Her formerly perky breasts were red, swollen and shapeless—one nipple hung well below the other. They were now the breasts of a grandmother, not of a healthy high school dreamboat. Her badly swollen eyes were almost shut, reduced to just two dazzling blue slits. Out of her proud, Nordic nose, a sickly combination of mucus and blood hung heavily over her swollen and split lips.

The image of a jubilant and unscathed Jenny was now visible behind her ruined victim. One glance at Elke’s moist, obviously agitated pussy lips and then at the cum-drenched plastic toilet paper roll holder Jenny held in her left hand, required no further explanation.

As the girls in the locker room, both the victors and the vanquished, surveyed the utter devastation of the school yard bully, they could barely imagine, much less discuss what Jenny had done.

“Girls, I have an idea. As you can see, I took care of your problem pretty thoroughly in there. From now on, things will be different. Isn’t that right Elke?” Jenny said grabbing a handful of the drenched blond hair she had only moments before been dunking into a toilet. She forced the bully’s head to involuntarily bob up and down in a ‘Yes’ signal.

“The way, I see it, these girls,” referring to the tied up goons, “aren’t all bad, they’ve just had poor leadership. Greta , let me ask you. Are you willing to be my friend?”

Greta’s eyes lit up. “Yes, of course,” was the answer.

“That’s good. Magda, let’s untie them all, and give them a big hug. Today is their Liberation Day, too.”, Jenny commanded. “Nobody here really wanted to be this Bully’s stooge. It’s something they did out of fear.” The former stooges all signaled their agreement with Jenny’s words.

“Now, as you see, I did a number on this maggot’s face, pussy and titties” Jenny’s comment was interrupted by enthusiastic applause. “However, I didn’t lay as much as a finger on her creamy white ass. I thought I’d leave that job to you guys.”

The room erupted in cheers, as Greta stepped forward and dragged Elke, by the ear, to a bench. A mound of towels was stacked below her navel, then she was tied, face down onto the bench. As a result, her ass was elevated and a completely open target.

Jenny taught the German girls the fine art of locker room towel popping, rolling up the first one, drawing her arm back and releasing it skillfully. The towel’s tip stung Elke’s vulnerable ass cheek. and the assembled girls watched in admiration as a crimson blotch formed on the spot of impact. Jenny handed the towel to Magda, who quickly mastered the technique, leaving a matching welt on Jeinsen’s other butt cheek. The girls took turns, giggling joyfully as most of their towel pops landed accurately on their splotchy target. Tears of pain and rage formed in Elke’s swollen eyes, but nobody heard or cared about the pathetic bleating that came from her mouth, as the vengeful girls enjoyed a noisy day of triumph over their former tormentor.

As the free for all came to a close, Jenny’s knelt down beside Elke’s tear stained face and whispered to her rival—“I think the guys are going to just LOVE your new look!” The American untied her enemy and left Elke alone to find her clothing. Elke skipped classes that afternoon, and slithered quietly home to attend to her aching body, having been taught a painful necessary lesson.

In March of 1995, a fully recovered Elke Jeinsen was being presented to the public at a press conference by Hugh Hefner. After the conference ended, Hef asked Elke if she would like to take a look around the Mansion. Elke agreed of course, and in the process, Hef decided to give her a “sneak peek” at the selection of the next Playmate. As the magazine worked months in advance on each issue, it was the selection of Miss September 1995 that had just been confirmed. Hef proudly showed Elke the first test shot portfolio of Miss September, Jenny McCarthy. Elke face suddenly turned white as a sheet, and she stumbled out of the room.

“Please, Mr. Hefner, I need a taxi back to the Hotel. Suddenly, I am not feeling so well.”

Hefner arranged the ride immediately, and as the taxi left his circular driveway, he wondered if the crab meat salad they had served for lunch had not been fresh. Why else would Elke have left so suddenly?