Catwoman vs. Mrs. Peel by Jackflash 10/29/2000
[Two popular action ladies from 60's TV...Julie Newmar, Catwoman (Batman) & Diana Rigg, Emma Peel (The Avengers!)]

It felt odd pursuing a case without Steed at her side, but he was on holiday in Jamaica, and this small matter hardly seemed worth bringing him back home for.

Mother, the head of British Special Service, had asked Agent Emma Peel to look into a spate of catburglaries in the London area. The thief had not only been targeting jewels, which alone made it strictly a matter for Scotland Yard, but also certain military secrets which, if offered to the Soviets or the Chinese for a sizable sum, could risk Great Britain's national security interests, and that made this particular crime wave of special interest to the government.

All that was known about the thief was that he was extraordinarily skillful, and that he had a penchant for gems with a feline theme...The Tiger's Eye, The Siamese Rubies, etc. As yet, Scotland Yard had no leads, and no suspects.

Yet Mrs. Peel had her own suspicions. It would never cross the minds of the rather sexist old mossbacks at the Yard that the thief might actually by a woman, but Mrs. Peel was aware that there was one female in particular who had the skills and the modus operendi that matched this mystery: Catwoman.

Not much was known about her, other than that she was an American who had previously operated mostly in Gotham City, where she frequently tangled with the Dynamic Duo, Batman and Robin. Perhaps being frustrated by the masked heroes again and again had finally convinced Catwoman to pull of stakes and find greener catnip elsewhere, such as London.

If so, she could not have chosen a plum more ripe for the picking. English law enforcement had virtually no experience in dealing with foreign-style supervillains. Indeed, other than an occasional wartime visit from Wonder Woman back in the 40's, or a natural disaster or two dealt with by Superman over the years, no "mystery men" had ever even set foot upon the British Isles.

Luckily, Special Services had plenty of experience dealing with the bizarre, from the Cybernauts on down.

It wasn't difficult for Mrs. Peel to lay an irresistible trap. The fabled 'Lionheart' diamond was the bait.

The risk lay in snaring the prey. If the Lionheart were to be surrounded by a battalion of guards, Catwoman would not strike. Thus, security had to be at a minimum, making it too tempting to resist. Therefore, the gallery which would display the jewel had only the most standard electronic alarms, which would prove to be no challenge to a burglar of Catwoman's ability.

And there would only be one guard hidden on the premises - Emma Peel.

Sure enough, the very first night of display, a leather-clad intruder slipped into the gallery through the skylight, descending silently along a silken line with all of the grace and agility of her feline namesake.

Yet, even as Catwoman's hands eagerly reached for the priceless stone in its glass case, lights flooded the room. The criminal whirled about, expecting to be surrounded by a squad of Bobbies. Instead, she saw only a lone figure, likewise garbed in leather.

"She's good," Catwoman thought. "I never even heard her approach!"

The masked villainess assumed that the other woman was also a thief intent on bagging the Lionheart. She wasn't about to share.

"Go find yourself another score, sister," she warned. "This one belongs to this little kitty!"

"I'm afraid that you're under a mistaken assumption," replied Mrs. Peel, leveling her pistol at Catwoman. "The only 'score' I'm here to make is to take you in to the dock. Now then, will you be coming along quietly?"

The agent got her answer within a heartbeat, as Catwoman lashed out with lightning quickness with her Cat-O-Nine-Tails. The whip snapped around Mrs. Peel's wrist, causing her to drop her gun. Catwoman followed up an instant later with an awe-inspiring leap across fifteen feet of floor, landing squarely atop the startled Mrs. Peel and knocking her down hard, leaving her stunned. Catwoman then began to scramble back to the gem, followed, she intended, by a rush for freedom out through the skylight.

But Emma Peel had other plans. Quickly recovering her wits, Mrs. Peel lashes out her right leg, sweeping her foe's feet out from under her, knocking her also to the floor. Both women instantly jumped to their feet and assumed combat stances.

Catwoman is the only living expert of Catrate, a variation of the ancient Japanese martial art that incorporates her own gymnastic skills, while Emma Peel is a master at Kung-Fu, a mysterious Chinese combat form revived in recent years by Kato (the sidekick of the Green Hornet, not OJ's house guest).

The two women begin throwing kicks and punches at one another; some are blocked, others reach their targets with crushing intensity, yet no decisive blows can be landed. After several minutes of this, it becomes obvious to both that they are in stalemate.

Nearing exhaustion and staving off pain, Catwoman shifts tactics. The tips of her gloves bear sharp claws and she uses them wickedly, sinking her nails into the breasts of her opponent. As the claws cut through the leather, Mrs. Peel lets out a howl of agony and begins to sink to her knees.

"This little trick always works on Batgirl," Catwoman sneers.

Through gritted teeth, Mrs. Peel replies, "And this...works well...with everyone!"

And to accentuate her final word, she sends a forearm smash straight into her tormentor's crotch. Catwoman releases her grasp and collapses to the floor, moaning. Mrs. Peel throws herself atop her prone foe, and the two battered women begin to roll across the floor. In such close quarters, there isn't much more they can do than pull hair, punch, and scratch. Thanks to her claws, Catwoman quickly draws blood. But Mrs. Peel ignores the pain and continues to hammer away at the chestnut-haired criminal.

Eventually, Mrs. Peel manages to straddle Catwoman, who is on her stomach. Clasping her hands under her foe's chin, the British agent yanks back hard, sending spasms of agony along the thief's spine. Catwoman screams, and then groans, and finally whimpers, until she surrenders to unconsciousness.

Drained of her own strength, Mrs. Peel drags herself across the floor on hands and knees, until she reaches the phone, where she calls for the police. Victory is bittersweet, however, as the British authorities prove as hapless at keeping Catwoman under lock and key as their American counterparts. Within hours of her incarceration, escapes from her cell and eludes recapture. Within a week's time, she is back to her old tricks; this time in Metropolis, USA.

Clearly, for Catwoman, her journey to Merry Olde England had proven to be a catastrophe. As for Mrs. Peel, it proved to be several days of discomfort, particularly involving the bandages around her chest.

(Follow Catwoman and Mrs. Peel in "Batman" and "The Avengers" both still in reruns on TV and cable channels worldwide)