2001 had been a bad year for Willow Bay. She'd been removed from her anchor position on CNN Moneyline, and "put out to pasture" for a few months only to return with the lame job of hosting 'Pinnacle' - a show nobody cares about, not even the CNN executives who put it on the air. Within CNN, Willow was almost universally despised, especially by her staff and crew. She had a reputation for being extremely conceited with a quick temper often on display when she yelled at and embarrassed her cameramen and assistant staff. Nobody cried the day she left 'Moneyline' in disgrace.
As Willow sat home in LA during her forced retirement, something happened that really got her temper going. CNN signed Paula Zahn from Fox and announced she'd be CNN's prestigious new morning anchorwoman. Willow had hungered for that job as HER next assignment and she threw a shoe at the TV when Paula was introduced.
And Paula had still another problem with Willow. While Paula had been a local reporter in Boston, she'd been "friendly" with Rick Ocasek of the 'Cars' and his wife, supermodel Paulina Porizkova. Several years earlier, Paulina had been hired by Estee Lauder as the corporate spokesmodel replacing none other than.....Willow Bay!! Bay was rudely shown the door by a company she had annoyed thoroughly during her tenure. So just the thought of Zahn coming over from Fox and moving up in the world while her career was in freefall consumed Willow with jealous anger.
Another CNNer none too happy with Paula's arrival (and her anointing) was Daryn Kagan. Sultry Daryn was surprised, shocked and enraged when SHE hadn't been offered the morning anchor post. She called Paula a "kewpie doll" and, like Willow, Daryn began plotting against the blonde newcomer.
Paula Zahn, in her few short weeks at CNN had befriended everyone she ran across. She had a smile for everyone on the staff and crew and made a special effort to learn all their names. Among her colleagues she was well liked -with the exceptions mentioned above! -- and had quickly developed a close (personal) "friendship" with Kyra Phillips.
Kyra was not only Paula's "good friend" she was also one tough cookie. Earlier in her career she had trained with the Air Force, and with SWAT teams. Like many at CNN, Kyra had no use for Daryn Kagan and her nasty attitude. For months it had been clear that there was problem between these two; it became a matter of when - not if - things would boil over.
Willow Bay's plan was simple and when she e-mailed Daryn to let her in on the plan Daryn was eager to assist. Paula had been invited to a big party at Judy Woodruff's house to celebrate her promotion and all the key CNN players from Larry King to Bernard Shaw, were expected for the 8PM start. Daryn, who'd done a good job of hiding her hatred for Paula, invited Paula to come to her place for appetizers BEFORE Woodruff's party.
Willow and Daryn were well prepared, having gathered rope, chains and whips with which to do a number on Paula after she walked into their trap. When Paula rang the doorbell, Daryn greeted her with the phoniest smile she could muster and invited her guest - actually her victim - in to get comfortable. As Paula entered, Daryn pushed the door shut behind her, but it stopped just short of closing, slightly ajar.
While Paula relaxed on the sofa, Daryn fixed her a spiked martini. Daryn sat next to Paula, handed her the drink and offered a toast to Paula, 'getting all you deserve.' Shortly after Paula had taken a couple of sips, Willow Bay emerged form the bedroom wearing full dominatrix costume, right down to the whip in her hand.
"Oh Ms. Zahn, have we got a special night planned for you!" Willow announced, her voice dripping evil.
Daryn smiled as she prepared for the fun to begin. Suddenly, she noticed that the door was open, so she walked across the room to close it. Just as she reached for the knob, the door opened violently, knocking her back into the living room and onto the floor. In the doorway stood Kyra Phillips wearing camouflage combat pants, a cut off white T-shirt and a black beret. She'd been given a copy of Willow's e-mail to Daryn by a secretary Daryn had fired the week before. She knew all about the Bay-Kagan plot and came prepared to put a stop to it.
Ass was about to be kicked!
The astonished Daryn was still sitting on the floor wondering what happened when the sensation of Kyra's combat boot blasting into her pubic area told her in no uncertain terms what had happened. Meanwhile, innocent Paula was finally beginning to understand what was going on and she too flew into action.
As Willow uncoiled her whip and swung it intent on doing damage to Paula's pretty face, Paula ducked and moved left. Willow tried to alter her swing, but she lost her balance and fell onto the sofa. Paula got up and drove a foot hard to Bay's exposed butt throwing her face down with her nose buried between the cushions. Paula grabbed Willow by her leather and rhinestone collar, spun her around and delivered a slap that could be heard a half mile away. Then she slapped her again and followed that with a solid fist to the belly.
Paula hurled the white-faced and gasping Willow into a book case, face first. While Willow wobbled woozily, Paula wrapped an arm around her neck and grabbed a fistful of hair in her other hand. She forced Willow to her knees, then delivered a decisive karate chop to the back of her neck. Willow keeled over on her belly and lay in silence.
Meanwhile, Kyra was teaching Daryn a much needed lesson in humility. Her SWAT team training gave her a decided advantage in this fight and Daryn was quickly reduced to a rag doll in her hands. Unbeknownst to Willow and Daryn, Kyra had brought a CNN film crew with her and the entire fight was being recorded for posterity! Kyra made a point of dragging Daryn's limp and unresisting body back and forth in front of the cameras as she punished her from head to toe.
Paula smiled as she rolled Willow over and started removing her rival's black leather dominatrix bra. Willow's small, firm, perky breasts were bared and now became fair game as a drooling CNN's camerawoman moved in for a close-up. After a minute or two of well deserved nipple torture, Paula finished Willow off, hauling her up by the collar, lifting her over her head and, with a chilling war cry, dropping Willow's body into the coffee table. Willow lay out cold, her body sprawled in disarray amid shards of glass, splinters of wood and several BDSM magazines with dog-eared page corners.
All that was left was to polish off Daryn and Kyra heaved her helpless opponent onto her shoulder as she headed toward the bathroom. Kyra smiled deliciously as she plunged Daryn's head in the toilet, flushed ten times; pulling her head up ever once in a while to let the gasping anchor get a breath of air.
On her way to the bathroom, Kyra had spotted the ropes Willow had planned to use on Paula.
"How thoughtful," Kyra said sarcastically to the barely breathing Bay.
After she polished off Daryn with a stunning right cross, Kyra began to apply the very intricate and constricting knots she'd learned during her SWAT team training.
Paula joined in on the fun and soon both Willow and Daryn were completely bound hand and foot. The camerawoman was especially delighted to get the footage of Willow in her ludicrous dominatrix outfit, now fully bound and gagged.
"Hey, it's been fun, but we really have to go. I don't wanna be late for my own party," Paula chuckled as she gazed deep into Willow's unfocused eyes.
"Hey, wait a minute," interjected Kyra. "These two can't be left alone tied up like this. They might choke or something. We'd better take them to the party with us as our guests."
Paula eagerly nodded her approval and each of the victors lifted her trophy onto one shoulder and headed for a waiting limousine.
Kyra slapped Daryn on the bottom as they reached the car and sighed, "Unfortunately, there's not much room in the limo what with all the snacks and champagne CNN sent us. You and your girlfriend will have to ride in the trunk. Luckily, it's big enough even for your fat ass and her huge ego, so you should be comfortable."
Daryn and Willow dropped with a thud into the trunk, Paula and Kyla got in the back seat, popped the cork on a bottle of Crystal and the long, black limousine sped away with the tape deck blasting Britney's, "Oops, I did it again!"
A half hour later, Kyra and Paula were being greeted cheerfully by Judy Woodruff.
"Sorry, we're late," Paula said as she kissed Judy. "But we made a stop on the way. We wanted to bring a couple of presents for you, and they took a little longer than we expected to wrap."
Just then, the camerawoman backed into the room followed by her assistant who was dragging the humiliated Bay and Kagan behind her.
Judy's eyes widened then she smiled and burst out laughing, clapping her hands delightedly. Judy walked slowly around Willow and Daryn, running her fingers lightly over their trembling bodies. Nodding as if in approval, she then invited the other honored guests to, "...step up and take a look at my specially wrapped gifts."
Jeff Greenfield stood with one hand on his hip, the other under his chin, tapping his index finger to his lips for a moment, studying the two bound and gagged women.
"I can't say I'm especially impressed by the QUALITY," he mused. "But I can't imagine a more thoughtful gesture. I'm sure Judy has just the place for them somewhere in her cellar."
Greenfield looked scornfully at the helplessly squirming Willow Bay who had annoyed him constantly when they co-anchored 'Newsstand' and gave her a lewd, knowing wink.
As the partygoers moved along to get more details from Kyra and Paula about their night thus far, James Earl Jones wandered over to where Kyra and Willow stood, beaten, bound and gagged He waved a sound technician and the camerawoman over and gave them instructions. The camera zoomed in on a close-up of Willow and Daryn's dirty, tear-stained faces.
Jones intoned with his customary solemnity, "THIS
IS NOT CNN."
Continue to next Cable News War