Brooke invited Michele and Heather Carolin to join her and shake hands. As the cheerful, smiling redhead extended her hand, the Hawaiian hellcat reached back and landed a vicious left hook to Heather's chin! On cue, the other villainesses attacked their startled prey and in short order, the Petite Elite were dragging their helpless, naked, battered victims around in a circle of shame.

Heather Carolin's legendary red hair lay in a pile at her feet - the cruel Michele had shaved her head clean.

Miriam Gonzalez's fabulous tits became mere speed bags for the diabolical Jeniffer Walcott's flashing fists.

Stephanie Heinrich's hard fists knocked the angelic smile from Heather Spytek's lovely face, leaving it puffy, bruised and blood-streaked.

Suzanne Stokes screamed in agony as Katie Lohmann beat a criss-cross pattern of welts on her scrumptious butt with a thick leather belt.

As all this mayhem unfolded live on television, Brooke sat back and laughed wickedly as she watched with pride as her goons wreaked havoc, and not coincidentally, made great shock TV! Finally, the Petite Elite tossed their beaten and battered rivals rudely to the floor, sat down on their limp, whimpering bodies and crossed their legs as they sat in a circle and chatted amiably with Brooke.

"Well, that wasn't much of a challenge, was it Michele?" Brooke asked.

"Hell no! Those creampuffs were so lame, it was almost insulting for us to even waste our time on 'em. That flame-haired flameout Heather sure got an education tonight, didn't she?" Michele chortled.

"You're right Michele. What you and your posse need is better competition," Brooke suggested, her mind working a mile a minute as she contemplated future specials that would invariably draw huge ratings and ensure her stardom at E!

"Never happen, Brooke! We rule, and that's it!" Michele replied smugly, helping herself to a squeeze of Brooke's legendary firm fanny.

Just then, the show's female producer called out across the studio, "Phone for you, Ms. Burke."

"Excuse me, Michele," Brooke said softly, caressing her girl's cheek. "Who is it?"

"It's your old pal Aisha Tyler!" the producer said with a little smirk.

Brooke's eyes lit up and her lips curled in a cruel smile for the close-up camera. Aisha, Brooke's former colleague at E! had been her arch rival and sometime opponent in some rough catfights.

"Why, Aisha," Brooke purred icily as she picked up the house phone and hit the speaker button that allowed the call to be heard by all. "You enjoying some well deserved time off after the network canned you?"

"Actually," Aisha sneered, "I was watching that piece of crap show you did. Petite Elite indeed! What a crock. If you and your girls want some real competition, I've put together a 20th Century Petite Playmate team that will give your little witches all they can handle - and a lot more besides," Aisha declared confidently.

"Is that a fact?" Brooke asked, making goo-goo eyes at the camera and poking her finger down her throat.

The aggressive Michele Rogers grabbed Brooke's microphone and screamed, "You're full of shit Tyler. Name the bitches you think are so tough. Name 'em! You can't of course, because Playboy ignored beautiful smaller woman until the last few years. Believe me, whatever skanky bunch of washed-up 90s Playmates you can find will just be road kill for me and my girls."

Aisha replied in a calm, steady, even tone, "Name 'em? Of course I can name them. Angela Little, Angel Boris, Kelly Monaco and finally, a little lady who's gunning for YOU, Michele, Ms. Maria Checa."

"Maria Checa?" Michele snorted. "Can the rest home finish her paperwork in time to let her out by next weekend?"

"She'll be there, Miss smart-ass," Aisha snarled. "But the big question is - will you?"

Brooke took the phone back from a fuming Michele and told Aisha, "Bring 'em on sweetheart. And you better show up ready for anything, hon, 'cause you and I got unfinished business of our own," she cooed confidently.

Turning to the camera, Brooke told the viewers watching live, "So you all heard it. Next week, right here live on Rank; the Petite Elite with yours truly, will defend our honor against the so-called 20th Century Playmate Petite’s and their talent-impaired manager, Aisha Tyler. Mark your calendars so you don't miss it."

Christy Hefner couldn't believe what she was seeing. A team of four petite playmates, clearly egged on by wicked Brooke Burke, were viciously attacking another group of four Playmates who had no clue what was happening to them! In the massacre's aftermath, Miss June 2002 Michele Rogers boasted, pranced and generally disgraced the Playboy image and 'brand' with her arrogant bufoonery. During a commercial break, Christy phoned Hef and told her dad to watch. It was after the commercials that Aisha Tyler issued her challenge, having quickly assembled a team of 20th century Playmates to challenge Rogers and Co. Christy gave Aisha high marks for gumption and called her to invite her to come to the Mansion the next day to discuss a possible layout for 2003. The aspiring, and struggling, comedienne knew it was a good idea to be on time so promptly at 8:00 AM Aisha and Maria Checa, the captain of the team, joined Christy and Hef at the Mansion.

"It's been part of our marketing strategy for 2002 to feature Playmates in friendly competition - Fear Factor, Weakest Link, etc. But never in my wildest dreams did I ever sanction a violent catfight. What's worse, a one-sided ambush masquerading as a catfight. Burke, Michele and the others have disgraced out proud heritage and our brand," Hef explained to the spellbound women.

"We didn't ask for this fight, dammit, but I guess we're in one. Rogers, Lohmann, Walcott and…and…and Stef...." Hef's voice faltered as he tried to speak the name of his conniving former girlfriend, Stephanie Heinrich.

"Let me help you Dad. That's Heinrich," Christy spat in disgust. "It rhymes with bitch!" she added, proud of herself for managing to say the name of yet another of her Father's bimbos-of-the-week, this one a certified back-stabber.

It was Christy'd time to take over the 'message' and she did it in style, "Aisha, Burke has accepted your challenge. Now let's up the stakes a bit. Instead of four on four, let's make it best three out of five. I've already arranged for Kona Carmack to join your team and my 'private investigators' have very steamy photos of our friend Ms. Burke doing the 'nasty' with that treacherous Ms. January, Nicole Narain. I'm sure she'll be more than willing to join their team," Christy explained, rubbing her hands together with relish. "And to help Ms. Burke build an even greater audience for her pathetic little show, I've invited two of TV's most attractive and famous petites to be guest commentators and honorary team captains. Helping your team - Sarah Michelle Gellar."

"Who's boostin' the shitheads?" Aisha asked cockily.

"Jennifer Love Hewitt, can you dig it?" came SMG's snickering reply, as she shook hands with Maria and Aisha.

"Great. Let's get busy," snapped Maria, her brown eyes dancing in anticipation. "I'll call Michele and get the match-ups set, then we can announce them to the public and start selling seats!"

Michele hung up, turned and began to slowly unbutton the blouse of her new best friend, Jennifer Love Hewitt. She gently cupped and kissed her splendid breasts while, across the room, Nicole Narian had her face buried in the lushness of Brooke Burke's bush. At their feet, blonde ultravixens Stephanie and Katie were 69in' and feelin' fine! While Nicole spun a magical web of lusty fulfillment, Brooke rolled her eyes and caught a glimpse of the calendar on the wall above her head. The match was only six days away! Imagining how things were going to play out only heightened her ecstasy as the diabolical Brooke imagined herself tightening a dog collar around Aisha Tyler's pencil thin neck and then forcing her to crawl on all fours while barking like a dog.

The next day, the teams set up training camps preparing for the match scheduled five days hence. The 20th Century Petites sponsored and sanctioned by Playboy Inc. © set up camp on the Mansion grounds. Across town, at the E! Network ©, Brooke Burke set up to put her renegade Petite Elite Playmates through their paces. And, as expected, a media frenzy surrounded both camps.

At the Mansion, former Playmate Lynne Austin, now a Tampa sports talk show hostess, prepared to do remote broadcasts all week. A stream of loyal, Hefner-loving Playmates stopped by to encourage the corporate side and share a few laughs with Lynne. Popular classic and contemporary Playmates like Victoria Zdrok, Lauren Anderson, Lauren Michelle Hill, Julie McCullough, Stacy Sanches, Renee Tenison, Brande Roderick, Donna D'Erico Cady Cantrell and the awe-inspiring Karen McDougal, all appeared on Lynne's show which was picked up and broadcast by an affiliation of sports talk channels nationwide.

Over at E!, Fox Sports Net golf babe, Lisa Dergan not only broadcast but also welcomed a bevy of disgruntled, anti-Hef, ex-Playmates who lent their support to the Rogers-led "up yours, Hef" renegades. Notables such as Ava Fabian, Petra Verkiak, Devin DeVasquez, Morgan Fox, Carrie Stevens, Lynn Thomas, Cara Michelle, Lindsay Vuolo, Layla Roberts and the stupendous Victoria Silvstedt all appeared with Lisa to support the Brooke Burke-led squad.

The war of words between the two camps escalated to a frenzied pitch as honorary captains Hewitt and Gellar made the rounds of the talk shows, appearing on Leno, Letterman, Conan, Nightline and even Connie Chung. The coup however, was Geraldo Rivera's as he got to spend an entire hour with the two young starlets who continually insulted each other while 'guaranteeing' victory by their team. What had begun as a light-hearted publicity stunt for JLH and SMG, had spiraled into a genuine - nasty - rivalry between two Hollywood hotties. As they left Rivera's studio after the show, it took a great lot of will power by both to avoid a hair-pulling catfight breaking out!

Each action-packed day seemed shorter than the day before as Saturday rapidly neared. The Staples Center was filled to capacity for the opening match: Kona Carmack vs. Katie Lohmann, and the electricity flowing through the rowdy crowd was palpable....