It was just another day at the WWE Home office in Stamford, Connecticut with the board of directors and creative staff sitting around trying to figure out how to goose the ratings. WWE Raw was down to alost half their ratings of the previous year and Smackdown wasn't doing much better. Even their pay-per-views were a shambles! The difference in this meeting was the General Managers from both shows (Eric Bischoff, Stephanie McMahon, Mick Foley, and Stone Cold Steve Austin) were also in the meeting as was Vincent K. McMahon, his wife Linda, and their son Shane. Paul E. Heyman was also lurking around much to the disdain of the others, but he was told he wouldn’t have any input.
"We got to get these ratings back on track," Vince hollered at the people in front of him. "Sales are down! We can't get any merchandise out, and our shows are losing to shows with that Paris Hilton reality trash!"
"What do you purpose we do Vince?" Linda asked. "We've done every match that can possibly be named and yet we still fail in the ratings."
"Our ratings are still strong with the female viewers," Mick said hopefully.
"Of course you ole sumbitch," Stone Cold hollered. "Look at the guys we got running around here. Hell that's how most of the women got a job here!"
"Then we need a way to attract more male demographic," Shane replied enthusiastically.
"We can do another Diva Shoot!" Paul E. cried.
"Paul I told you, you’re just a GM to promote the ratings. You've failed, you WILL be fired!"
"Sorry, Mr. McMahon sir."
"What a kiss-ass," Stephanie muttered under her breath. "I gave up that job for THIS ass?"
"I have an idea I've been toying with," Eric Bishoff whispered to Vince.
"Oh really, what does the great and powerful Eric, who destroyed WCW, have to say," Linda said sarcastically.
"Shut up, you old broad!"
"Watch it that's my wife you're talking about!" Vince grumbled, although he was grinning when he said it.
"Beg pardon, Vince, you should really watch your blood pressure!"
"Never mind that, get to the point."
"OK then! What if we put the female wrestlers in this fed and some of my old acquaintances and Paul's together. Give them a goal. Call it the ‘Best Female Pro Wrestler vs. the Ultimate Catfighter!’ Our ladies battle it out as well as 16 of the ultimate catfighters in the industry. The winners of the two tournaments then face each other in a best two out of three falls match to decide just who is actually the greatest fighter of them all."
"I like this idea!" Linda replied which brought a gasp to the members, including Vince!
"You LIKE that idea?" he inquired."
"Of course! What better way to get our male demographic back up then with T&A!"
"You can't be serious mom," Stephanie screeched in her whinny voice. "That’s disgraceful!"
"Oh I haven't even got there yet young princess," Eric said. "You see for this tournament yes there will be a gold belt as the prize, and well there will be no rules, for there are NO rules in a catfight - anything goes! Which means you'll see hair pulling, breast grabbing and mauling - and plenty of clothes and/or bikini's being shredded! You'll see all this because it's on a Mature Audience PPV! There'll be tits and ass everywhere!"
"Eric, that isn't a very good idea," Vince warned.
"Finally, my daddy’s seeing the light," Stephanie whispered to Shane.
"What do you mean Vince?" Eric said, almost in tears.
"Well, I think it's a damn good idea Vince," Stone Cold and Mick retorted in unison.
"No it's NOT a good idea....It's a damned EXCELLENT idea, Eric! I should have forced the WCW out of business years ago."
"Well, I had this idea for some time, but Ted Turner wouldn't go for it."
"That hic's loss is my gain! We're going through with this full-fledged," Vince said, slamming his palm down on the table.
"No daddy, you can't….I will NOT be a part of some blatant scripted pandering," Stephanie burst out, stamping her foot like a spoiled child.
"First off, Stephanie," Vince yelled. "There’s no script, these fights will be 100% real."
"Indeed, they will be no script," Eric assured him.
"And another thing, since you’ve defied me more than once, you’ll be part of the wrestler tournament! And I’ll see to it personally you get an opponent in the opening round that’ll destroy that body I paid good money to buy you; because bad girls like you deserve a beating every now and then!"
Linda smiled, "It's time you learn the true nature of the business Stephanie....Eric get the promotions ready on Raw next week. Eric and Paul will announce the special PPV for the first time ever on the Playboy Channel. This will be the longest PPV in history and we'll see to it nothing goes wrong! Meeting adjourned!
Sure enough the following night on WWE Raw, not just Eric and Paul were out in the ring but the entire WWE board except for Stephanie McMahon who was banned from the ring for the time being.
"Tonight we have a major announcement for you, especially for all you male viewers in the audience and the millions watching at home," Eric started off saying with a glimmer in his eyes.
"Tonight we announce to you a very special Pay-Per-View for you all," Paul said, "That will feature only the female superstars in this industry."
The audience mostly male, and a few of the ladies, cheered wildly.
"Ah I see we have your attention, then what if I told you it will also feature some of the best catfighters in the world as well...like this one," Eric said pointing to the Titantron.
Pictures of Jeanne "Hollywood" Bassone, and Venus DeLight, in the buff appeared and again the fans roared.
Paul continued, "Then ladies and gentlemen, we have what you are looking for. A Pay-Per-View on the Playboy Channel will feature these ladies. In a tournament."
"For this belt, Stone Cold, Mick, will you hold that belt up," Bishoff ordered.
Stone Cold and Mick Foley held up the gold plated belt. On the belt in gold was a naked woman holding a gold belt. Around it in a circle written in red was the words "Ultimate Female Fighter".
Eric smiled as he continued, "This tournament is for the ultimate female fighter, whether you’re a manager, ring announcer, dancing girl, or a catfighter; this tournament’s for you. Now selecting these girls was a hard process as I wanted just 16 for each category, but like any belt in the WWE, it's always, always up for grabs."
"You see," Paul interrupted. "The tournament will feature 16 Professional Women Wrestlers that’ve been in a Pro Federation. They’ll grapple to see who’s the best Female Wrestler so far."
"Then," Eric said with a sneer in his voice. "There’ll be 16 catfighters or wrestlers who do video or private web site work. They'll decide who's the best catfigher. The winners of the two tournaments will meet in one final battle in a two out of three falls match and the winner will be declared the ultimate fighter - and will be given this gold belt."
"Oh and did we tell you the beauty of this fight, anything goes! You want T&A... you got it. You want women to submit to any kind of hold including a crotch claw! You got it! This is just for you; anything goes, even if the ladies are so inclined to any kind of combat. And in celebration of this tournament there will be special female guest referees, and they can get involved since there is no rules, they are just there to here them submit and count a pin. And believe me some of these ladies are angry for not getting an invite. Now then Paul will you announce the first round matches for the Divas."
The crowd roars.... "Oh, but there is one more match...a special Match Eight! Stephanie will you step out here please." Stephanie McMahon comes out in a leather bikini; her expression makes it clear to everyone she has forced to wear the revealing gear. Vince, Linda, and Shane smile at the humiliation the spoiled young woman is receiving. "There she is, the Billion Dollar Princess," Paul jives. "Your daddy wanted you in this too, didn't he? He said he'd find the perfect opponent to teach you a lesson; and he has! That woman is none other than.....SABLE! Rena Mero!"
Stephanie's eyes got big as Sable's music hit but just as she whirled around, Sable was already there ready to deliver a kick to her gut, then hit her with a Sable Bomb, splattering Stephanie across the ramp. Vince gave a 'thumbs up' of approval as Sable danced over her fallen, soon-to-be-opponent.
Eric laughed, "I've been wanting to see that for a long time now....so the first round of competition will be between our wrestlers and looks like this....
Match Five: Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly
Match Six: Dawn Marie vs. Nidia
Match Seven: Victoria vs. the Original Playboy girl; Joanie Luner (aka Chyna!)
Match Eight: Stephanie McMahon vs. Rena "Sable" Mero
After the enthusiastic applause died down, he continued, "And now in the second round, this is how our sixteen catfighters will pair off...."
Match One: Hurricane Havana vs. Brandy (Les Femmes/Rasalgal.com)
Match Two: Eve Ellis (DT) vs. Shelly the Burbank Bomber
Match Three: Venus DeLight (various) vs. Tori Sinclair (various)
Match Four: Sanatana vs. Francessca Le (various)
Match Five: Jeanne "Hollywood" Bassone vs. Christine Dupree (various)
Match Six: Jenz (Jenzdollhouse/Jenzpinup) vs. Robin (Les Femmes)
Match Seven: Candi (Carolina Wildcats) vs. Tanya Danielle (Greeneyes?)
Match Eight: Unique Leigh vs. Storm (Unique Leigh and DT)
There's the ladies...one winner from each squad will face off in a final battle...who will it be? Well. you'll just have to watch won't you? Until then may the best woman win."
The crew left leaving Stephanie McMahon standing on the ramp dazed and cursing. All the while, she could hear the sinister evil laugh of her father and Eric Bishoff from back stage.
The two semi-final wrestler matches
The two semi-final catfighter matches
The Championship! Best Two of Three Falls; "no rules"
Other (grudge or otherwise) matches may follow from this (or other) writers as a result of this tournament!